Muffy, insecurity at its best

1+1+1+1+1=

2008-09-19T11:24:00.001-07:00

5

I found out this morning that our family is expanding to a family of five.

Someone hold me. Yes, thats me rocking in the corner there.

Got a boogie

2008-07-01T10:46:00.001-07:00

I never thought I'd write a post about boogers but I've never been so happy about something so silly. In the last few months I've come to realize that Aiden no longer needs our assistance with boogers. Yes, its a big milestone and I'm so very proud about it.

I'm even happier to report that he is taking care of his own boogies in the adult way. He goes and gets his own tissue or if he can't find them himself he will ask an adult for one. He does not handle it the way I'd assume most kids would, picking it and eating it.

Hooray for another step toward maturity!

You had to be a big shot didn't ya?

2008-06-20T12:34:00.000-07:00

A couple more weeks until Billy Joel!! I am so stinkin' excited.

I can not believe my husband got tickets. Its probably going to rank right up there in shows for me. I think one of the best we ever saw was Aerosmith, believe it or not. We had seats right on the side of the stage probably less than ten feet from the stage. That was truly awesome.

I think the best show was when we saw Everclear in a small club. We were maybe 5 people back from the stage and everyone was so into the music. Then at the end of the first set they threw their drumsticks and guitar picks into the audience and a pick hit my eyebrow. A bunch of people scrambled around me to find it but none of us did. Then at the end of the show as we were ready to leave I found it on the floor under my foot. That made the show for me.

They had a great opening band too. They were called Cowboy Mouth. I've been hoping they'd get big because they were pretty terrific.

The Fit New Me

2008-06-11T12:47:00.000-07:00

I've discovered a joy in fitness again. We joined a YMCA recently to do some swim classes for the boys. I checked out the childcare room a few times when we were there and thought, you know what, I'm just going to try this and see how it goes.

Its been over a week now that I've been trying to go every morning that Aiden is at school. So far I only missed one day because of an appointment. But I feel great. Its amazing how good exercise makes you feel. Its always done that for me. I don't know why I get so resistant to it.

Owen is doing pretty good with the seperation. The first day he lasted 30 minutes before they came to get me because he was upset, then 40 minutes, then 45 minutes. Monday he only lasted 20 minutes which was a bummer but today he lasted 40. They said he did really well today. No tears shed. I saw that his favorite caregiver was there today and she gave him some saltines which basically wraps him around your finger. He LOVES crackers.

I hope I can keep up this routine. I've never felt better.

My mother

2008-05-27T11:00:00.000-07:00

The one person in this world that gets my goat.

I'm not sure I can have a conversation with this woman without becoming immediately irritated. I don't know how she does it but she just does. She knows exactly what to say/do to always push my buttons.

She is a big time hypochondriac. Its exhausting. Every conversation with her involves some discussion of her current ailments. She goes to the doctor so often she should have frequent flyer miles. Seriously, if anything were ever to really be wrong with her she would catch it very early because she must have a standing weekly appointment with her doctor.

Also up for conversation - diets. Whatever new fad is popular that is what she is doing. Its a constant yo-yo. I believe its the biggest reason why I have such an unhealthy body image and always over eat/comfort eat. I really don't want to hear about this all the time.

To cap it all off, every conversation consists of the whiney "why don't you come visit me." Wah! The more you ask the less likely it is to happen. You criticize my parenting techniques (not directly usually, just the backhanded commenting) and you have no respect for kids schedules/sleep needs. So not a pleasant way to spend my free time. You understand?

Here is an example of a conversation with my mother. The background, my sister inlaw was in the hospital on bedrest because of issues with her pregnancy. My mother took a day off work to go be with her and called me on the way to see if I would go there too. I told her that the hospital policy doesn't allow for kids to visit. Since I stay home with my kids there really isn't a way for me to go. I don't have a babysitter readily available to me. But she insists that I try to go anyway. Woman, I delivered at that hospital. I know the rules. But I call anyway and I get told no, exactly what I expected. I called my mom to tell her the news:

Me: The nurses said no.
Her: Well that stinks. That is such a stupid policy.
Me: Actually its not. Kids are germy. Its to protect all the new babies and mommas. Plus, hospitals can be germy so it protects my kids from catching anything too.
Her: Well, they better not tell me that I can't see her. I drove all this way.......(starting in on tirade of ridiculousness)
Me: (getting very irritated) MOM! STOP! JUST STOP! Seriously. The policy is no kids. Why on earth would they turn you away? STOP it!

Ridiculous! Right? Just because you act like a child does not in fact mean that they will turn you away from visiting your daughter inlaw due to the no children policy. Yeesh!

Foo Fee

2008-05-20T12:06:00.000-07:00

Would you like cream and sugar in your "foo fee" this morning?

Yes, that is just another of the adorable utterances coming from my little Owen. He thinks its so funny when you repeat it back to him. He is really communicating so well lately. This past weekend he went in the kitchen (no one was in there) and he was pointing at the upper cabinet (where the snacks are) and saying "wacker." How can you not give in and give him a cracker? Or every time I open the refrigerator he comes running and pointing to the fruit drawer saying "boobays" because he knows that is where the blueberries are.

One of those days where you feel like a bad parent

2008-05-15T12:13:00.000-07:00

When your child has a tantrum that lasts 45 minutes and they ARE. NOT. HEARING. YOU.

I just lose it. Thankfully I know enough to remove myself from the situation and while he gets a timeout, I do too. You know? Its much needed.

Maybe the fact that I recognize that I need that before the situation gets worse makes me a good parent?

Anyway, this prompted me to finally make that phone call to get myself back into therapy. With a new therapist this time. One that specializes in helping parents of special needs children. I cannot wait for this appointment.

One thing Aiden's psychologist had me do that has helped me tremendously is write down all the things my child does that get to me or make me feel angry/upset/losing it. He said after you write them down think about them and how you react to them. Think about the behaviors and realize if they're normal toddler behavior that comes with the territory or something that we can help Aiden with in session. Amazingly, it really worked. Writing them down and thinking about them when not in the moment helped me recognize what about the behavior bothered me so much and how to better deal with it myself and with him. I suggest this to all parents whether your child is special needs or not.

Lets talk about Owen

2008-05-14T11:46:00.000-07:00

I spent the last two posts talking about Aiden so how about I talk about my other little man, Mr. O.

He is a big ball of fun right now. He is so playful and just down right adorable at every opportunity. It really makes me appreciate this stage so much more than I did with Aiden because now I realize that it doesn't last that long.

Over Mother's Day weekend he started walking full time. I'm still trying to get used to this little person toddling around the house. I see his blond little head come bobbing along. He is doing really well.

One thing that is so different for me is that he is a total Momma's boy. He'd love to be glued to my hip if he could. Its sweet and I definitely will take the lovin for as long as he wants to give it. We're still nursing at almost 14 months. We've officially made it longer than I did with Aiden who weaned at 13 months. I don't know when we'll be done but I'm letting him lead.

Another thing that is different is that he talks. He can say or tries to say pretty much everything he hears. Every morning that I bring Aiden to school I ask him if he's ready to see Mrs. Pratt. Owen then chants "Pratt. Pratt. Pratt......" as we walk into the building. He likes to grab your nose and shout "Honk!" As soon as we pull into the driveway he starts saying "Kitty Cat" over and over in anticipation of seeing his beloved kitties.

Networking

2008-05-13T12:05:00.000-07:00

The one unexpected thing to come out of this diagnosis has been the networking I've done.

Its like we've been given a pass to a whole new social setting. I'm meeting other mothers dealing with similar issues. We're discussing our doctors, therapists, and diets. I'm being asked for playdates more since our diagnosis than in our entire first two and a half years.

One mother lives very close to me. Her child has the same diagnosis but PDD is such a broad category that her child's issues aren't exactly the same as Aiden's. I find her the easiest to relate to. We both are feeling the same rollercoaster of emotions. I hit it off really well with another mother at pickup from preschool yesterday. She is taking her child for the first time to see the same psychologist we see. I can't wait to find out how it went. Aiden really seems to be interested in her child, more than any other child, so far. I really think playdates with him will be a good thing.

I find that sometimes I wonder if the behavior Aiden is exhibiting now are just him being 3 or because of his PDD. I've been told by specialists that you shouldn't be watching your child trying to figure out if he is normal or not at every moment because it will drive you crazy and it isn't fair to your child. Its hard sometimes because right after we found out, he turned into a fire breathing, head spinning, monster child. Every day is a test in patience, which I don't have a large supply of. I can't help but always wonder if the PDD is making it harder than it would be otherwise. Sometimes yes, but probably sometimes no.

Autism

2008-05-12T13:01:00.000-07:00

Aiden was diagnosed with an Autism Spectrum Disorder called Pervasive Development Disorder (PDD). Its been a couple of months since we got the diagnosis and I think we're all doing much better dealing with it now.

At first I was pretty upset because as a parent you don't want to have anything be wrong with your baby. But after a little time I got over it because after all it wasn't a great shock. We all knew there were issues and quirks that needed to be explained/addressed.

Now he is going to a fantastic preschool that is offering him PT/OT/Speech on a regular basis. He is coming along really well with his gross motor delay. He got a mini-trampoline for his birthday and it has been a huge success. He can now jump with both feet off the ground at the same time! His language is beautiful and the conversation piece is starting to fill in more. His favorite new thing is counting in Spanish.

He still hyperfocuses on things for a long time. His new thing is They Might Be Giants, Here Come the 123's. He has the CD/DVD. He wants to watch it all the time. Its the first thing he asks for every morning. He wants to listen to it in the car every time we are in the car. He sings the songs constantly. I know its not good to allow him to stay too focused to the point that he doesn't take an interest in anything else but it is very difficult to decipher what is and isn't normal limits.

I've been getting really touchy about things I've been reading recently. I don't know why it bothers me but it seems that I see it more and more than before. Parents writing about issues their child has but they don't seek further treatment. I can't get behind the whole "they'll catch up" mentality. I think you do your child a disservice not to help them when they're behind.

One blog I've been reading recently really reminds me of where I was about a year ago. The parent in this instance has been getting their child a lot of help for issues. Just like with Aiden the child is doing really well and responding quickly to therapy. But also, just like I was, the parent is in this euphoric place that everything is well now. Because my child is doing so good its all hunky dory. The therapists are all giving me glowing reports about my child because that is their job but no one is going to tell you that there is still more to do. Your child is not yet caught up to their peers.

The thing with Early Intervention is that they don't/can't tell you when your child should be seen for further evaluation - specifically sensory/autism issues. The coordinator cannot say to you hey, I think your kid is showing signs of this, maybe you should look into it further. Which is BS that they aren't legally allowed to do that. They're the professionals! How unfair to these children who have a chance on not getting proper treatment because of this stupid policy. They leave it up to the parents, who are in this state of euphoria because look at how well my child is progressing, to recognize that there is still more to do. I hope this parent eventually sees what I see in her child. A beautiful, smart, adorable child who just seems a little bit off in some ways, just like Aiden did (he really reminds me of Aiden in so many ways!).

**Please note that just because my child has PDD does not mean that I'm trying to find comfort in projecting it on other kids as a way to make me feel better/less alone in this/whatever**

Happy New Year

2008-01-09T12:58:00.001-08:00

So its been a long while since I've updated and frankly its just because I haven't felt like sharing anything. Life can be so boring sometimes you wonder, does anyone really want to read about this?

But - time to share again I guess. Its getting to be busy around here again. Aiden is back at school after the holiday break , going two days a week. He'll be done at this school in April and I'm finding it really stressful to find a good interim program for him before he can start pre-school in the fall. But even the thought of that is stressful. The school we love for him is pretty pricey. The other ones in our area are 9 to 11. I just think that is totally not appropriate for pre-school. His school now is 3.5 hours. By the time I do drop off and get home it would be time to go back and get him. Plus, he would just be settling in and getting comfortable when he'd have to go home. Plus, I think eating lunch together is an important part of experiencing/preparing for real school.

Owen is 9 months old now. He still doesn't sleep through the night consistently. Aiden started around 6 months and was consistent by 7 months. This is definitely rough and I'm not sure what I can do about it. I'm dissappointed with the library that I take Owen to for storytime. The children's librarians retired last year and the new ones suck. They aren't as warm and friendly with the kids and they're strict. All the other libraries in the area are starting up their winter storytimes this week (Aiden's starts Thursday) and this one is waiting until March. Yes! March! Idiots.

So now I signed Owen up for one at the library that we go to for Aiden's storytimes but its at a rotten time. Their babies storytimes are 10:10 on Thursdays but its full or 11:10 on Fridays. Aiden goes at 11:10 on Thursdays for the 2-3's session. Owen naps around 10 am until 12-12:30ish. I'm not sure if I should start pushing him to one nap or just skip the storytime all together this season. Should I pack everyone into the car on Thursday morning and drive around so Owen naps but we still get to storytime on time? I like the idea of doing the Friday morning class with Owen because Aiden is at school - we drop off at 9 am and its just around the corner from the library. But I'd have to kill time between drop off and the start of storytime. It doesn't make much sense to drive home. I don't know. I really love the idea of spending that time with just Owen and I. I would be able to really involve him in the session.

Well, those are things on my mind these days. Owen is crawling now. Its a lot more stressful than it was with Aiden. Probably because I didn't have a 2 year old leaving small objects around all the time. Oh and Owen puts EVERYTHING in his mouth. Just yesterday I was about to nurse him (a good hour if not more since he'd been playing in the living room) and he had carpet fuzz from the living room carpet in his mouth. The thing sheds like crazy. I am so ready to chuck it but we can't afford a replacement. He also hates baths at the moment so thats fun.

Aiden knows how to spell his name. It floored me when he spelled it out for me. We got some flashcards from my nephew this weekend. He knows all his colors, shapes (ones I don't even know), and counts really well. He can count into the hundreds but gets bored after a while. He has trouble with the transition from 9 - example he'll go twenty-nine, twenty-ten - but you give him thirty and he'll continue on to thirty-ten. lol

Well, thats enough bragging. I'll try to update more often but who am I kidding.

Toddlers are funny

2007-09-08T11:54:00.000-07:00

Today the four of us were laying around hanging out before nap time. Daddy was laying on the floor and his shirt was half up. Aiden looks at his belly and says "Boobie. See Mommy's boobie." I started laughing so hard that I cried. Daddy just chuckles and says "Thats not a boobie. Thats my belly button. Silly."

Both boys have been really good lately. Owen has started sleeping through the night pretty consistently. This morning both boys slept until 7:30. That is freaking awesome. They both went to bed by 7:30 the night before. Maybe not putting them to bed so late like we'd been getting into the habit of doing is what ensures good sleep for all.

Not much to report. I'm just happy and things are good.

2 months

2007-07-14T11:15:00.000-07:00

I know its been over two months since I last posted but I just didn't really feel like I had much to say. I guess I was having some mental blocks.

Anyway, things are going really well. I really love having my two boys. They're so amazing to be around everyday. Hearing how Aiden's speech is developing is so fun. He comes out with some really funny things. My favorite right now is he gets right in your face and says "hi" in a really funny voice, then you say "hi" and he says "Hi Mommy, How's it goin'?" "How's it goin' Mommy?" Or he'll say to Daddy when he leaves for work "Bye bye, see you later buddy." But it sounds like "see yew way ta." He also sings all sorts of songs pretty much all day long.

Owen got a helmet for some head shape issues. He is doing really well with it. There was a bit of a learning curve to keeping him comfortable in it but I think we've gotten past those hurdles. He looks pretty darn cute with it on. He babbles non-stop, its the cutest thing. It really makes me realize how much Aiden didn't babble, at all. I just thought all babies were supposed to be that quiet. I had no idea. Owen is also just about able to roll over. He gets 3/4 of the way there and then rolls back. I don't think Aiden rolled over until closer to 6 months. I have a feeling Owen will be doing a lot of things sooner - its that second child syndrome.

So things are great and I'm happy. That's all.

Six weeks in

2007-05-10T05:09:00.000-07:00

I have survived the first six weeks so far and actually the first three weeks of being a stay at home mother of two. Its been challenging to say the least but its also manageable. You just do a lot of jumping through hoops to keep everyone satisfied. Sometimes things work out so that you can get some rest and sometimes they don't. The biggest thing I've had to tell myself is to go with the flow and not set any kind of schedule of how things should be because we will never follow it at this point. That would just lead to stress and disappointment.

That being said, one of the biggest things I miss about being a mother of one is that we had a great schedule. I guess I'm one of those people that really thrives on knowing how things are going to be everyday. I know we'll get back there eventually but it'll take a while.

Thats all I have time for right now. I'll try to keep this thing updated.

Here is a picture to tide you over.

Happy Birthday to my Big Boy!

2007-04-20T11:58:00.000-07:00

Happy 2nd Birthday bubba! It went by way too fast but its been a blast. I love you monkey!!

He's here!

2007-04-10T05:37:00.000-07:00

Sorry for not posting sooner but its been really crazy what with family visiting and what not. My new son was born on Monday, March 26th at 3:41 pm. I went into labor on Sunday evening and was able to have the birth experience that I had wanted. I'm so very grateful that everything went so smoothly this time. We're all doing well and adjusting as best we can. Owen is a great baby. Both boys have a cold at the moment though, I'm sure it won't be the last time one of them passes on their sickness to the other.

Talking is underrated

2007-03-21T10:59:00.000-07:00

I never realized how much I appreciated the ability to communicate by talking until my toddler FINALLY started talking. He is definitely late to start but all of a sudden its like a language explosion is happening. He can repeat just about every word we say these days. He walks around the house now spouting his new words randomly even if they don't have any context to what he's doing. For example, he was watching TV the other morning and was stringing along this sentence of sorts "tree, easy, Uncle Paul, poopy, double wuh (W), B, B, C (ABC), F, F, T, U, V, upside down, sleepy."

This is not only endlessly entertaining, its awesome! I can actually have conversations that aren't all one sided. The tantrums from not being able to communicate clearly have decreased tremendously. But the absolute bestest part about this talking is that now I actually know that he "wuvs" me!!

Its a boy!!!

2007-03-01T12:43:00.000-08:00

Congratulations to Andy on her new baby boy!! He is such a handsome little guy!

So close and yet so far

2007-02-23T11:00:00.000-08:00

So we had a bit of a labor scare on Wednesday. Honestly, I've never experienced natural labor. What I felt was pitocin induced labor with my son. It never felt like anything more than mild cramps. So on Wednesday when I was having this constant, never ending pain that started in my back and radiated around to my belly I thought maybe it could be labor. It started around 10:30 in the morning.

I went through the morning feeling very uncomfortable with this constant pain but didn't act on it until after I'd put my son down for his nap at 1:30. I thought if I could just make it to then I could lay down and it would go away, proving that it was indeed not labor. Wrong! It only got worse so by 2 I called my doctor and they wanted me to go to the hospital.

Lots of scrambling had to be done to get someone to stay with Aiden, get DH to come home and drive me, and I had to pack a bag just in case it was the real deal. I was in so much pain that I could barely keep my seat in the car for the 50 minute ride to the hosptial.

Finally I'm triaged and brought into a room to be monitored. Of course the pain diminishes when you get to the hospital. That is a given for these situations. I had a few contractions on the monitor but nothing to indicate labor. Internal exam showed no progress, everything was locked up tight. So it turns out that I've thrown my back out. I'm not having back labor but muscle spasms. I can't take anything other than tylenol for them either but heating pads are helping. They told me to avoid as much lifting as possible, easier said than done with a 32 lb. toddler.

I've been getting back rubs from my husband every night. He is being really great at picking up the slack because I can't even unload/load the dishwaher without my back spasming. I'm going early next week for a nice massage and I can't wait. I hope that this heals itself and I don't have to go through this for the rest of the pregnancy. Hopefully I'll realize its labor when it finally comes and not more back spasms.

Could this be nesting?

2007-02-18T14:43:00.000-08:00

This morning I was having contractions five minutes apart for 40 straight minutes. Then suddenly they just stopped. Then about 40 minutes later they started again, five minutes apart for 30 minutes. I was starting to get a little excited. Now, I kept telling myself this can't be it really though. I'm only 34 weeks, its way too early for this to be real labor. Still, it was very exciting because I never experienced this with my first pregnancy.

I experienced a lot of things with my first pregnancy that haven't or have hardly reared their ugly heads this time. No swelling, no high blood pressure, some RLS but not like last time, a few charlie horses but not like last time, and no feet in the rib cage pressure all the live long day. This pregnancy has been pretty great by comparison.

Anyway, tangent over. Yesterday I was mad crazy to get the babies room all set up and that is done. Today I got it in my head that I had to take out all the clothes my son has ever worn that I've been storing in bins and organize them by size just so that I can put them back in bins, this time neatly, and labeled so I will have an easy time finding what I need in the coming months. Am I driven to do this because of the contractions this morning or could it be nesting?

This may sound like bragging

2007-02-18T14:36:00.000-08:00

I just can't help but share how proud I am of one of my sons accomplishments. Where he has always been a little behind a lot of kids his age when it came to crawling, walking, eating, and talking there is one area he has suddenly shone. He knows his alphabet! I can't help but think all that reading we do has rubbed off a bit. I also want to give credit to the Leapfrog Fridge Phonics toy and foam bath letters.

He can recognize and point to each and every letter of the alphabet when asked. We're currently working on his numbers now and he is doing really well with that. Now he can't say every letter but he has been behind on speech for a long time so we take what we can get. Currently he says B, C, D, E, F, G, H, M, N, O, P, S, T, V, X, and Z.

This has made Aiden more aware of his world in such a great way. Some examples are that he now picks out letters and says them when we're driving like if he sees them on a tractor trailer truck or a road sign. The other day I found him checking out the warning label on a baby toy and pointing to all the letters he can say as he looked at me and said them. I am so proud of him and I just wanted to share it.

What is it with boys and their penises?

2007-02-13T10:38:00.000-08:00

My son has taken to pulling down his diaper just enough to check and make sure its there at every opportunity he has. If he his going diaperless say before or after or during a bath its pretty much all he looks at. Its really amusing actually to watch him bend over as far as he can to get a good eye view. Its even funnier to watch him walk into walls and things because he is too busy checking out his peter.

Pardon my dust

2007-02-08T16:07:00.000-08:00

We are in the throes of the worlds longest lasting head cold. Aiden has been sick for going on 12 days now with this endless cold. He is mostly better but still has a runny nose, which is occasionally still yellowy snot (yes, I know you care so much about the color of his snot) and a cough. Yellow is bad so I assume he still got some infection left to fight.

I also have it and its been a week for me. I'm hoping that it doesn't last as long for me as it has for Aiden but not much I can do about it. I haven't been sleeping so I'm very zombie like besides the whole stuffed head feeling. My OB gave me some Ambien to try and it got me about 5 straight hours of sleep last night but really I'm craving a full 8 with no break. I think it will do a world of good in helping get over this if I can just get a good nights sleep. So maybe I'll take two pills tonight. We'll see.

Lets hope we recover soon. I'm going stir crazy in this house and its constantly a mess when your toddler has free rein.

Well hello there

2007-01-15T04:58:00.000-08:00

I've been trying to post since after Christmas but it seemed that every time I came on here to try the stupid blogger software was being updated or was down. Anyway, hey, how's it going blog land?

So many things have happened it feels like. Lots of births (Congrats Stacey and Julie!) and pregnancies (Yay Carolyn!). Oh and I'm currently switching OB practices at nearly 30 weeks pregnant. It seems like its not a very smart idea but in the end I think its going to be for the best. I'm so torn because I love my practice but I don't love my hospitals policies so what can you do? I have to do the best thing for me.

I'm really starting to get excited for this baby to get here. It just feels so close now and he is a little step dancer or something in there. He lets me know very clearly that he is there and look out! I know its going to be pretty hard at first and I've got a healthy fear of the first month but I hope he is a somewhat easy baby and we can find a good groove.

So Happy New Year and all that jazz. More posting to come as we get closer to April 1st!

I can't wait for Christmas

2006-12-20T10:32:00.000-08:00

I had to have my husband stay home today and watch Aiden while I took care of some dental work. He was going to just take a half day but they asked me to come back in the early afternoon for more work so he took a whole day. He said to me when I got back "Now what should I do with my day?"

I just couldn't believe that the thought didn't even cross his mind. How about Christmas shopping?!?! I mean, its the Wednesday before Christmas and you haven't gone shopping even once yet. Hello? Does that not sound like a logical idea? He kind of hemmed and hawed and I said, what? You'd rather go this weekend when its going to be nuts? If it were me, I'd be all over shopping right now, there won't long lines and crowded stores at this time of day, hopefully. But maybe that is just me, since I've been done for over a week with my shopping. I don't procrastinate.

Why am I getting in such a tizzy over this you ask? Well, its because every year since we've been together he does a mighty poor job at shopping for Christmas. I'd never tell him this but the fact is that every year as we open our gifts he apologizes for getting me hardly anything or anything that is thoughtful/good. I am really sick of this routine. I'm done with it. I'd rather he just get me an I.O.U. than spend money on crap. I hate being apologized at on Christmas morning. Its just not pleasant. So you would think that he'd remember that come the next December when its time to do the shopping again. But no, he still procrastinates.

The cutest thing

2006-12-08T10:56:00.000-08:00

A couple of weeks ago we decided to do some cleaning in our junk room. This room is going to be Aiden's come January so we really needed to get going on it. I found an old wallet full of credit cards and gave it to Aiden to play with while we cleaned. He loves wallets. Inside he found a picture of my husband and I that we had taken for our engagement. After we were done he brought the picture downstairs with him.

As soon as we got downstairs he immediately ran over to his crib and slipped the picture in through the slats. Now I find him holding and looking at the picture after naps and in the morning when he gets up. If he takes the picture out of his crib he always makes sure he puts it back in there before he sleeps. Its so stinkin' cute. I love it!!

Awwww! My baby loves his Mommy and Daddy!

Oh brother!

2006-11-22T10:17:00.000-08:00

Its a little brother!! Wooo Hoooo!! We're having another boy!

I am so excited. I can't believe how absolutely thrilled I am about this.

When I saw that little penis on the ultrasound I immediately started crying because I knew my family was going to change in such a wonderful way. I going to have two little men running around. BROTHERS!! *weep* *weep*

This is a great day!!

What is it about Thanksgiving?

2006-11-20T12:33:00.000-08:00

What is it about Thanksgiving that makes you realize your house is dirty on a whole other level? I mean, its not enough to just vacuum, mop, and dust. NOooooo! Because your walls, they are dirty. Someone might have indigestion at the sight of scuff marks, hand prints, and general dirt that builds up on your walls. Especially in your stairwell, where no part of the meal will be consumed, no one will be using but my husband and I, and yet, if it were dirty on Thanksiving day, well it would just put a damper on the whole day. I wouldn't be able to relax and enjoy my meal because someone might notice!

I have dusted, washed walls, washed windows, vacuumed, cleaned 1 bathroom (2 to go! - and no one is using those but see my statement above about walls), and am trying to prepare some food ahead of time. But what am I doing right now, nothing, sweet nothing!

This parenting thing is hard

2006-11-14T09:21:00.000-08:00

I miss the easy going stage of the pre-crawling, pre-walking, pre-solid solids babyhood. He was fun at one but at almost 2 he is pushing those terrible two's early. The walking leads to getting into everything. Getting into everything leads to near accidents, poisoning, and more fun. The food situation is just hard. Today, I put a bowl of pea soup in front of him for lunch. Normally, he loves my pea soup. But its usually a dinner time food. What was I thinking? Right?

Well, I've never heard a tantrum as bad as this come out of my little boy before. I literally froze up. I just did not know what to do. I'd never been faced with such extreme pissed off-ness. He was batting my hand away with the spoonful of soup, therefore making a mess of him and me. Then he tried to push the bowl of soup off his tray, that didn't work but made more mess, then he tried to tip the bowl over. I gave him a stern no. That caused lots of screaming, red faced, tears. FUN! So I made him half a sandwich (Yes, I know they should eat what you make them and don't give into the fit but really, what could I do?). After he ate a few bites he was very receptive to the soup. He ate the whole bowl.

What the? Why? I just don't understand them. I don't know if I ever will.

Anywho, Mommy still has the upper hand because that tantrum won him a free pass to an early nap time. Mommy needed a break.

I am alive

2006-11-03T09:05:00.000-08:00

But just barely. I am under the wrath of the worst cold I've had in years. Head throbbing, nose running but stuffy, sinuses exploding, ears aching, throat hurting, absolute misery. Today is much better than yesterday though. I hope it dissipates fast.

My husband worked from home yesterday to help me out taking care of Aiden. Basically I slept all day and he played Mommy. The one thing that really irks me with him is that he is very anti-medicating. If you're suffering and you don't need to be then why would you choose to keep suffering? He told me after he put Aiden down for a nap that he thinks Aiden is getting sick too. He said his nose was runny, his head felt warm, and his hands were all clammy. But did he give him anything? Nope.

So I'm glad that he's back at work today so I can give my poor kid some Tylenol plus Cold drops so that he doesn't have to suffer.

Did you ever have one of those days?

2006-10-26T10:07:00.000-07:00

When it seems like your spoon just keeps missing your mouth and all you really want is that yummy delicious pea soup.

Tum, ta Tum, Tum, TUUUUUMS

2006-10-18T16:07:00.000-07:00

Can you overdose on Tums? Seriously?

It is 2:46 AM

2006-10-17T23:53:00.000-07:00

Sleep. What is sleep? Its certainly not something that is coming easily for me these days. I am just so restless when I'm trying to get back to sleep. I keep tossing and turning. All I can think about is just go to sleep. Hurry. My hours are precious so I need to make the best of them. But my body and mind refuse to cooperate. Its very frustrating.

I don't know what is keeping me up to be honest. I know last week it was the strangeness of being in a hotel and sleeping alone for a change. Then when DH's work was done it was the strangeness of sleeping with someone else again who snores and breathes really loudly, omg, shut up!

What is that I hear? Oh its the sound of someones aquarium playing in their crib. That means that my insomnia has now woken up my 18 month old. Crap! I suck.

Hello there

2006-10-16T10:39:00.000-07:00

So we were gone for a week. My husband had to work out of town and we decided to all go with him. It was a fun adventure that I'm not really interested in doing again. We stayed in a nice hotel, a Residence Inn. It had two bedrooms and a kitchen/dining/living room area. It was nice having maids come in and clean the whole place, load/unload my dishwasher, and vacuum. The only thing I had to do was laundry. They even would have gotten my groceries but I'm too picky to let anyone do that for me. There was complimentary breakfast and dinner in the dining room every day. I tell you, I had it somewhat easy. But I definitely missed home. Four hundred miles is a long way to drive with a toddler.

While we were out there my husband got a call from his boss, they wanted to know if he'd be interested in taking another business trip to the west coast this time. He said no. We had have to go out there for a minimum of 3 months, maybe longer. I just hope that they respect his answer and are able to find another option. It seems that he is the only one that knows the program being used at this place so he's their best and only option. My husband is back at the office today and trying to see if they can do the work remotely so he could still do this for his company but not have to actually be on site.

A post

2006-10-02T15:54:00.000-07:00

Some crazy shit going down with my family right now. I can't stop thinking about it and worrying. I don't feel like typing about it though.

So a place holder of sorts. Enjoy!

Random Stuff

2006-09-14T08:57:00.000-07:00

So, we're still house hunting. Its going very slowly. I really wanted to have a decision made by the end of my first trimester and that is just not happening. Its really frustrating that my husband is taking his sweet ass time with this. I can't stand it. We have houses we're interested in, we have our price range from the bank, but do we make appointments to see any of the houses? Nope. I just want to throw up my hands and scream.

Aiden is going through a tough toddler time right now. He is so frustrating to be around. All he does is cry and whine at me. I can't do anything right. I took him to the aquarium this morning and he was so happy for about 20 minutes and then just started tantruming. Its like he's bi-polar or something. Its probably teething so I should be more sympathetic but it just wears on you when its every single day.

I'm still not feeling very excited about this baby yet. I'm pretty sure its a boy. I just have that notion. I can't fit in any of my pants and my maternity pants just don't fit me right this time around. I don't even want to see the look on my husband's face when I tell him I need to buy all new maternity pants. I really talked up being able to use them again when I was pregnant with Aiden. I'll wait until I'm desperate. Obviously I don't need fancy pants like I did last time, which is kind of a relief. I look through my bin of maternity clothes and all the pants are dress pants, so not comfortable.

The shoe burglar

2006-08-29T09:34:00.000-07:00

We have a shoe problem in our house. You see they keep turning up in the strangest places. For instance, I open my dresser drawer to find a shoe sitting on top of the pile or I'm sifting through the items under the sink in the bathroom and find a sandal in there. The best was when I emptied the hamper into the washing machine and my husbands Teva went in with it.

I have a description of the culprit:
male
blond hair
brown eyes
small stature
goes by the name of Aiden
alias: chunky monkey, bud bud, monka chunk, munk

If you see a little person matching this description, by all means, hide your shoes.

Anniversary? What Anniversary?

2006-08-18T11:57:00.000-07:00

This will mark the third year in a row that my anniversary has been a dud.

Year 1, we find out that I am pregnant and the morning sicknesss kicks in just as fast as the positive sign appeared. We had Wendy's for dinner and met my closest friends new little baby born that morning. No card, no flowers, nothing.

Year 2, we are too hectic taking care of our own little bundle of joy that we just blow off the anniversary this year. I think I might have gotten him a card. I know I got no card, no flowers, nothing.

Year 3, my husband isn't even in the same state as me. I thoughtfully stuffed a sentimental mushy card in his suitcase before he left. What did I get? No card, no flowers, nothing.

We're at 0 for 3. Maybe next year will be better.

But I at least got to spend the time with some good friends of mine:
Lorelai & Rory
Ben & Jerry

Good times.

I am boring

2006-08-07T12:10:00.000-07:00

I have nothing new to say here. I work 20 hours a week. I come home. I am tired. I sleep whenever I can. I feel nauseated 24/7. There is barely enough energy left to type this.

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Compare and Contrast

2006-08-01T18:03:00.000-07:00

I promise that every post from here on out will not be about my pregnancy. Its hard not to become obessive over it though.

I'd like to do a little compare and contrast post though. At this early stage in the game there are quite a few differences this time. This might venture into the TMI category.

Last time:
Sore boobs
Extreme tiredness
Violent morning sickness
Yucky leaking down below
Headaches
Constipation

This time:
Mild queasiness
Headaches
Slightly tired

There you have it. There is still plenty of time for all that to change. But so far so good!

March 30, 2007

2006-07-28T10:27:00.001-07:00

That is my estimated due date. It looks like Aiden is going to be a big brother!

I had a really vivid dream last night that I was in the hospital. But instead of being in the hospital bed, my husband was and he had a newborn baby girl asleep on his chest. I could see the perfect little face so clearly. Don't ask me why he was lying in the bed, who can explain these weird dreams. But the fact that it felt like the same type of dreams I had when I was pregnant with Aiden, compelled me to get up and test this morning. Other than that, I had no indication that I was maybe pregnant. Nothing. Of course now I feel nauseated, funny how fast that happens. I've already called my doctor and begged for Zofran.

Welcome to the world Zachary!

2006-07-25T19:00:00.000-07:00

My good friend Jamila just welcomed her son into the world last week.

He is the most perfect, beautiful, and precious little guy. I am so in love and I'm sure his mommy is even MORE smitten!

You are going to be so spoiled by all of your Aunties. Smooches!!

On the road again

2006-07-13T10:00:00.000-07:00

Just can't wait to get on the road again.

We're going to Virginia next week to be with my family while my step-father undergoes surgery for prostate cancer. We're leaving Monday around midnight and driving through. Should take us about 8-9 hours to get there.

I wish I had time to visit my friends while I'm in the state but we're driving back on Thursday night so its only a quick trip. I doubt there will be time for other things. Besides, we're traveling with my brother and the dreaded sister in-law, no one should be subjected to that.

Happy Birthday To Me!

2006-07-10T04:14:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday to me!
Happy Birthday to me!
Happy Birthday dear Muffy!
Happy Birthday to me!

And happy birthday to my brother in-law too!

The loot:
2 new bras - I am lifted! I am separated!
1 book - Confessions of an Ugly Stepsister
1 cookbook - Giada's Family Meals
1 giftcard to Borders
1 giftcard to Old Navy
1 picture frame that says "I Love Mommy" on it with a picture of Aiden from his birthday in it.
$20
A little flip book of coupons and why Cancers are cool.

You are on my shit list

2006-07-06T10:41:00.000-07:00

He may look innocent but he is evil. He waits under little boys cribs until they've slept 2/3 of their nap and then meows nonstop until they wake up screaming and will not have a chance of going back to sleep. He will then slink away with a look that says "I didn't do it."

In Memory of Evelyn

2006-07-03T04:45:00.000-07:00

One year ago today my friend sent me a frightening e-mail telling us that her niece was missing and even though it was a long shot (they're in the midwest and I'm on the east coast) that we would see her, she wanted to know if there was any way we could help.

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A search for Evelyn began in Floyd, Iowa and lasted six days with unfortunate results. Evelyn Celeste Miller was found in the Cedar River in Iowa. She was only 5. One year later, friends and family are still missing Evey and praying that justice will prevail in solving her murder case.

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Please keep this family in your thoughts and prayers. They say that time heals all wounds but I'm not sure anyone/anything could fill the void in this families life that was left when someone took her from this world. Justice will be served to the bastard that has taken such a precious little girl. I believe it with all my heart.

A memorial fund has been set up in Evelyn's memory. The fund will be used to make donations to community programs in Evelyn's name. Anyone interested in making a donation can send it to:

Evelyn Miller Memorial Fund
First Security Bank & Trust
809 Clark St.,
PO Box 577
Charles City, IA 50616

Tag! You're it!

2006-06-30T09:01:00.000-07:00

I've been tagged in a Meme by Cammr so here goes:

7 Things I Want To Do Before I Die

1. Skinny dip in the ocean with my husband
2. Take a cooking class
3. Finish college
4. See my kid(s) graduate
5. and get married
6. Become a grandma
7. Find a job that I love

7 Things I Can't Do

1. Drive a stick-shift
2. Garden or take care of plants
3. Juggle
4. Pee standing up - ha!
5. Speak a foreign language
6. Run or jog
7. Stick to a diet

7 Things That Attracted Me To My Partner

1. His ability to make this kick-ass dip
2. Location - he lived in the town I grew up in
3. Congeniality
4. His good looks
5. The ease with which we came together - it was like we'd always been a couple from the start
6. He accidently spit in my mouth and I didn't gag!
7. His family

7 Books I Read Over and Over

1. Harry Potter books
2. The Time Traveler's Wife
3. A Prayer for Owen Meany (I will read this one again, I've only read it once)
4. The Red Tent
5. The Secret Life of Bees
6. The Bible (I'm just starting to get into reading it again, I haven't touched it since I was younger)
7. A Widow For One Year

7 Movies That I Love

1. Meet Me In St. Louis
2. Dirty Dancing
3. Much Ado About Nothing
4. The Notebook
5. Chocolat
6. How To Lose A Guy In Ten Days
7. The Princess Bride
I tag
Kissy
Eggy
Kyt

What are friends for?

2006-06-29T13:17:00.000-07:00

When someone you consider your closest friend can't support you when you need it the most it makes you wonder, what are friends for? I'm very hurt and angry right now so I've taken down my last post. I'm considering a hiatus from my blog until I can get over this bullshit. You know who you are. Thank you!

Speaking of Marching

2006-06-24T05:29:00.000-07:00

My little guy can go marching now because he WALKS!!!

Yay! My big boy put it all together yesterday and now he is a walking fool. You can't stop him. He just keeps going - like a little energizer bunny. The look on his face is pure excitment and exhiliration. He is so amazed at his new feat.

I can't help myself, I follow him around cheering and clapping. This is probably the most exciting thing for me. I'm so proud!

How do the ants go marching again?

2006-06-15T12:59:00.000-07:00

Its been so long since the ants went marching in my world that I'm not even sure how they marched anymore. The tune came to me today while cleaning up Aiden's crumbs from lunch. I started singing it to him but I'm pretty sure I bumbled the words. So I'll write what I sang below and then I'll give whoever comments with the right words a virtual high five.

The Ants Go Marching
as interpreted by Muffy, the musically challenged

The ants go marching one by one
hurrah hurrah
The ants go marching one by one
hurrah hurrah
The ants go marching one by one, the little one stops to chew some gum
and they all go marching down under the ground to get out of the rain
BUM! BUM! BUM!

The ants go marching two by two
hurrah hurrah
The ants go marching two by two
hurrah hurrah
The ants go marching two by two, the little one stops to tie his shoe
and they all go marching down under the ground to get out of the rain
BUM! BUM! BUM!

The ants go marching three by three
hurrah hurrah
The ants go marching three by three
hurrah hurrah
The ants go marching three by three, the little one stops to take a pee
and they all go marching down under the ground to get out of the rain
BUM! BUM! BUM!

The ants go marching four by four
hurrah hurrah
The ants go marching four by four
hurrah hurrah
The ants go marching four by four, the little one stops to shut the door
and they all go marching down under the ground to get out of the rain
BUM! BUM! BUM!

The ants go marching five by five
hurrah hurrah
The ants go marching five by five
hurrah hurrah
The ants go marching five by five, the little one stops to kick a hive
and they all go marching down under the ground to get out of the rain
BUM! BUM! BUM!

The ants go marching six by six
hurrah hurrah
The ants go marching six by six
hurrah hurrah
The ants go marching six by six, the little one stops to pick up sticks
and they all go marching down under the ground to get out of the rain
BUM! BUM! BUM!

The ants go marching seven by seven
hurrah hurrah
The ants go marching seven by seven
hurrah hurrah
The ants go marching seven by seven, the little one stops to go to heaven
and they all go marching down under the ground to get out of the rain
BUM! BUM! BUM!

The ants go marching eight by eight
hurrah hurrah
The ants go marching eight by eight
hurrah hurrah
The ants go marching eight by eight, the little one stops to close the gate
and they all go marching down under the ground to get out of the rain
BUM! BUM! BUM!

The ants go marching nine by nine
hurrah hurrah
The ants go marching nine by nine
hurrah hurrah
The ants go marching nine by nine, the little one stops to swing from a vine
and they all go marching down under the ground to get out of the rain
BUM! BUM! BUM!

The ants go marching ten by ten
hurrah hurrah
The ants go marching ten by ten
hurrah hurrah
The ants go marching ten by ten, the whole thing starts all over again
and they all go marching down under the ground to get out of the rain
BUM! BUM! BUM!

Muffies Bright Parenting Moments

2006-06-13T09:07:00.000-07:00

Its time for another installment of Muffies Bright Parenting Moments.

Brought to you by Infants' Tylenol.

When it comes to reducing fever or pain in children, the medicine in Infants' Tylenol is pediatricians' first choice.

And now back to your regularly scheduled program.

Please learn from Muffies bright parenting. Never assume that if the bottle of Infants' Tylenol says child proof that it then makes it okay to hand to your squirming toddler during a diaper change. Yes, it will fascinate him and keep his hands occupied but you underestimate the genius of your child. He is perfectly capable of opening the child proof bottle and sticking the dropper of cherry flavored goodness in his mouth. All the while, Muffy is distracted with so much poop Oh My God! A little tylenol here and there won't hurt him but lets try not to feed the habit.

Post #2

2006-06-09T08:32:00.000-07:00

Already I'm noticing a difference from just the one hypnosis session. Maybe its all in my head - its supposed to be isn't it? But I've already started to lose some weight - 1.5 lbs. I feel like that voice in my head that is like the little devil on my shoulder that pushes me for the bad stuff is immediately overcome by the good voice, the little angel on my other shoulder. The temptation is still there but the urge has lessened significantly. I have started making smarter choices and exercising more. So far I am impressed with whatever this is and with myself. Go me!

2 posts - post #1

2006-06-09T08:26:00.000-07:00

Would this bother you?

My husband got an e-mail late last night from my mother in-law. She's really a nice person and usually I have no qualms but this e-mail really annoyed the crap out of me. She asked him to come with her tomorrow to pick up her sisters in Maine. That is an 8 hour drive one way. She plans to leave early in the morning and they'll be back very late in the night. She wants to know as soon as possible if he's going.

The thing that bugs me is that she even asked. WTF? He's got a lot going on at home right now. My family is having problems and he's kind of the support person in the situation. Plus, we've got a 14 month old little boy who thrives on every moment he gets to spend with his daddy. He is truly a daddies boy. How can you deny them their time together? Plus, I'm trying to get out there and find a job which is hard when you've got a toddler in tow. My only time to do it is on the weekend which would be shortened to only Sunday. My husband will be exhausted from the trip and I'll get to spend hardly any time with them if I'm out job hunting.

The part that gets me the most is he is a family oriented guy. There is no way he'll say no if he's asked. Part of that is a good upbringing which I think is wonderful. I'm probably being selfish here. You can tell me. Am I?

Would you lighten up already?

2006-06-07T08:12:00.000-07:00

Lighten Up! Weight Loss Through Hypnotherapy.

So I went to the session last night and I have to say WOW! What an interesting and exciting experience it was. I can't even begin to tell you all the wonderful information that was discussed. They talked about society today and how the conveniences we have are adding to the epidemic of obesity in this country. We spoke about the right and wrong foods to be consuming (basically anything that has an indefinite shelf life you shouldn't be consuming). The level of activity that we should be striving for - 10 minutes a day for every decade you have lived, but that most people don't move enough because we just don't have to anymore in this age of computers, cell phones, cars, buses, etc.

We talked about what makes people naturally skinny. You know those people who can eat whatever they want? Those people allow themselves to have what they want but they also seem to stop when appropriate. They are also usually more active. Did you know that when you consume a meal you should not drink during your meal? The body has this natural ability to regulate our appetite and it has something to do with the saliva in your mouth when you are eating. By drinking during a meal you are messing with this ability. If you eat until you feel 80% full and then consume your beverage you will find that your metabolism will start working much better.

Something like weight loss through hypnosis can't be accomplished in one quick session. Its something that you have to work at. They did put us under hypnosis at the end of the session and I have to say that when I came out of it I felt better, more energized, refreshed, and driven than I've felt in a long time.

Here is some of the things that we did while under hypnosis: She asked us to look deep inside ourselves and realize what it is that is driving us to eat in an unhealthy way. What is it that you're trying to accomplish by eating like this. For me, it came through so clearly, I immediately thought self esteem and self respect. The realization of that brought tears to my eyes. It was a very emotional discovery. Because being fat makes me feel like I'm worthless. I have no self respect or self esteem and if I don't have it for myself how can others value and respect me?

She asked us to picture ourselves in place that we find peaceful and comforting. For me I was in our local park. Its such a beautiful park and I was there with my husband and my son. That gave me a feeling of such peace and calm. Then she told us to picture a building that was unassuming and peaceful. There was a door and we opened it and went through it and inside there was a scale. We stepped onto the scale and the numbers that came up were our ideal body weight. I saw those numbers very clearly and it made the possibility seem more real. Then we got off the scale and stepped up to a mirror. The reflection we saw was ourselves at our ideal weight. We studied the reflection, turning to admire our form. I swear I had tingles up and down my arms when I saw myself so clearly the way I want to look. It really brought out a lot of emotions but mostly I felt such a strong feeling of happiness like I can't even describe. It was wonderful.

So starting on Monday I am entered in a 6 week program. Here is what the literature states:

During six groups sessions you'll discover your own unique food management plan, your ideal weight, and how to turn cravings into healthy actions. You'll recieve a custom hypnosis CD to jump start your healthy weight plan. You will also learn self hypnosis which will keep you on track.

I will keep everyone posted on how this goes for me. I am really looking forward to this experience.

I love my men

2006-06-03T13:38:00.000-07:00

You are getting sleepy

2006-05-31T19:12:00.000-07:00

Do you believe you can lose weight through hypnotism? I believe it. I mean, if you can quit smoking and many other things why not lose weight? I'm not sure what exactly they would suggest to you while you are under someones power. Maybe instilling in you some kind of desire to eat right and exercise. Maybe they'll make you believe that chocolate tastes like vomit and ice cream will give you the shits. Who knows.

But I'm going to find out. Next Tuesday I'm going to a program being held at the hospital where I gave birth. Its called Lighten Up: Weight Loss Through Hypnotherapy. I'm really excited about it and I can't wait to see what its all about. I'm not sure if they'll actually hypnotize you there or if its just informative and you'll have to actually make an appointment and pay for the hypnotism.

I'm willing to try anything at this point. I'm so depressed about my weight lately that I just eat to numb the pain. I know that is just making it worse but for a few minutes that it takes to enjoy a pint of ice cream, I just don't seem to care or care enough to exercise some willpower. I will report back with the results of the seminar.

Let the hunt begin

2006-05-26T08:30:00.000-07:00

I give up. We give up. We can't make it. Its not working. I need to look for a part time job.

I just checked the classifieds. This is depressing. Anything that is part time is so ugh. The most appealing thing I can find is to work as a phone operator from 5 pm - 9 pm for the company called Blue Sky Brands - basically its taking catalog orders. All other jobs are retail or restaurant business. Or I could babysit kids or the elderly. No thanks.

I'm going to keep looking some more but I have to talk to DH. He'd need to get home before 5 if I took that job. I feel like we'd be moving in shifts and never see each other. But its that or we go bankrupt. *sigh* I feel like crying.

To sit or to shit

2006-05-23T04:30:00.000-07:00

Have you ever read the book Hop on Pop by Dr. Seuss? There is this one part that goes like this:

PAT
PAT
They call him Pat.

PAT
SAT
Pat sat on hat.

PAT
CAT
Pat sat on cat.

PAT
BAT
Pat sat on bat.

NO
PAT
NO
Don't sit on that! (he is about to sit on a huge cactus)

I was talking to DH last night after reading this to Aiden for one of his bedtime stories. I said to him, you know that Pat has a real sitting problem. He just goes around putting his butt on everything and he seems to be getting off on it or something. Then I told him that it could be worse. It could be a shitting problem.

Just imagine:

PAT
PAT
They call him Pat.

PAT
SHAT
Pat shat on hat.

PAT
CAT
Pat shat on cat.

PAT
BAT
Pat shat on bat.

NO
PAT
NO
Don't shit on that!

New look

2006-05-18T19:38:00.000-07:00

Courtesy of Miss Zoot. Thank you Miss Zoot!!! She helped me work out the kinks. It looks so much better than before. yay!

Open Mouth, Insert Foot

2006-05-18T11:49:00.000-07:00

Do you ever have those moments after you've been out with a bunch of people, you get home and you think why did I say that? and that? and that? and THAT?

I feel like I have those moments all the time. Sometimes I just don't know when to stop speaking. Its a really bad habit to have.

I did this constantly when I was pregnant and just blamed it on hormones. Now I see that I'm still doing it.

The next time I go anywhere I'm going to be mentally yelling at myself to just shut up already.

Oh yeah, I have a blog

2006-05-10T04:41:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking for the past couple of days that I should update my blog. The problem is, there isn't much to tell you.

Aiden is being a handful lately. I think its the age. I have to say this is my least favorite age so far. I'd like to go away and come back when he is over this headstrong, willpower, fight, whine, cry, pout stage. Sadly I don't think this stage goes away until he becomes and adult and maybe not even then.

I've been selling off some things on ebay. Whatever I can do to bring in some income, I should. Unfortunately I seem to be bumbling up my first sales. I thought I could receive money through my paypal, because I have before. But two of the auction winners said that they received messages that their payments couldn't go through. So I've asked them to check the e-mail account and such. Still didn't work. Then I figured I'd better upgrade to a premier account. I've sent them new invoices and waived the shipping costs. I'm afraid I'm going to lose money on these ones. It sucks too because they would have been good prices with the shipping. Hopefully they're not too harsh on their feedback. I'm going to wrap up the items really nicely and ship them off today with a thank you note. Maybe that will excuse my dumbassness.

Busy Busy Busy

2006-05-01T17:42:00.000-07:00

I feel like I've been going non-stop lately and thats a good thing. I don't like being idle. This one nap a day thing has really made a huge improvement on our ability go out and do things. I don't feel like I need to rush around anymore. That is a great feeling when you've been rushing every outing you make for a year.

Lots of things on the horizon. I may or may not become the next president of my local MOMs Club chapter. The thing is that no one else wants the position. I'm not one to sit back and let something that needs to get done not be done. So even though I'm not sure that this is the best thing for me to be doing right now, I've agreed to run IF someone will share the responsibility with me. Basically I want someone to be the people person and I will handle the paperwork.

You might be thinking, paperwork? For a moms club? Yeah! Seriously, its more paperwork than I thought it would be. One person has volunteered for the job to share the presidency with me so I'm hoping things work out come elections at the end of this month. There is a whole other story about this with some minor to major drama but I don't want to bore you with all the details. But thanks so someone, whom I won't mention, almost all the members of our group don't want to run for any positions at all on board. *shrugging* I don't see the benefit of airing the dirty laundry and scaring everyone away, but maybe that is just me.

Enough of this rambling post. I just wanted to say I'm busy trying to take over the WORLD!!!

Aiden stuff

2006-04-26T14:40:00.000-07:00

So two days before his first birthday he decided to drop his second nap of the day. It was a pretty difficult transition. I had to figure out what the right time of day should be for him to nap so that he's not difficult in the mornings and a beast in the evenings. I think we've got it pretty much figured out now. I actually really like this one nap a day thing. We can go places and do more things without worrying about getting him back home in time for his nap. (he was never an out and about/on the go napper)

We were also having major food issues. He didn't want to be fed by us anymore but he wouldn't pick up and feed himself a lot of the foods we offered. It led to alot of difficult meals and tears on both sides. Thanks to Beaner things have settled down remarkably. The advice she gave was to stop fighting with him over it and find other ways to get the fruits and vegetables in him. So now I sneak spinach into his grilled cheese, cut up vegitables really small and add them to homemade meatballs, smear his fruit (pureed) onto toast, or cover them in graham cracker crumbs.

The last issue is weaning. I've been looking forward to weaning for a while now. My goal was to nurse for one year. We made it! I wanted to start weaning very slowly over a couple of months. We started by dropping his nursing after his morning nap. Instead we just gave him a sippy of breastmilk/whole milk mixed together with his lunch. He did beautifully. Then two days later he decided that he didn't want to nurse in the afternoon or before bed. He fought for a couple of days each time - biting, kicking, crying - before I gave up trying. It made me feel really sad and honestly, a little hurt. Now we only nurse once a day, in the morning when he wakes up. I really don't know how much longer that is going to go on for since this morning he bit me pretty good when he was finished. I can't relax at all when he nurses for fear of him biting, which sucks, especially because he's got all 4 front teeth now. I guess its time to let it go. He's got to stop some time. I just struggle with so many emotions - losing this bond/attachment that only we shared, feeling like he doesn't need me as much as he did before, and the hormonal shift which is triggering a mild depression in me.

So that is whats been going on lately, on top of the crap my mother loads on.

I'm not answering my phone anymore

2006-04-26T14:36:00.000-07:00

because its almost always my mother calling. I just can't bear to speak with her.

She keeps e-mailing me and every single one of them includes something about how they hope my step-father gets the job up here. I feel so guilty that I am hoping and praying that they don't. I really want to tell her that I think that would be one of the worst things that could happen right now. But I'm sure it wouldn't accomplish anything but hurt feelings.

I guess I should answer the phone sooner or later since putting it off will only make it worse. She'll start thinking I'm mad at her and then leave messages crying about why don't I love her. *sigh* Its like walking a tight rope.

And if you read that last post

2006-04-21T07:19:00.000-07:00

then you will understand why I'm having major anxiety about this post.

My mother left on Sunday morning for Maine and I thought that was the last we'd see of them for a while. I was wrong. They called on Tuesday night and said they were going to stop back by on Wednesday morning on their way home. So they took Aiden and I out for breakfast.

Over breakfast they show me pictures of this house that they're buying on a lake in Maine. That's nice. I'm happy for them. Blah blah.

They then proceed to tell me that they've both applied for jobs up here again at their old work site. They're hoping to get them so they can move back up here. My mothers words were: We hope to move to Mystic, Stonington, or Groton. Close enough to see you regularly but not close enough to be annoying.

Personally, I feel that if they are closer than 4 hours away they are too close and are already annoying at 9 hours away right now. Those three towns are less than 20 minutes from my home. This makes me feel panicy. I'm not joking. I feel pressure in my chest and like I can't breathe. And now I want to cry because the thought is just unbearable to me.

But there is nothing I can do to prevent it. DH doesn't help, patronizingly saying that I should relax and it won't be that bad. I can't relax. I can only hyperventilate.

I know its not normal to feel so anxious about this but you see what its like when we mix. We're oil and water. Distance is good in our relationship. If I tell her that it would crush her and only make things worse. Maybe Beaner and her DH can pull some strings and make sure this can't happen since they've got connections at that site.

What do you say Beaner? For my sanity?

Lets start with my mother

2006-04-21T07:00:00.000-07:00

We went out for breakfast with them last Friday morning. It went pretty well. My mother couldn't stay in her seat. She just kept hovering over Aiden's highchair. She asked if she could take him out and I told her that if he was content in there it was best to leave him there. But the hovering was annoying me so I told her go ahead. She takes him out and he starts getting annoyed and fussy. So he ended up back in the highchair in less than 2 minutes after she took him out.

The point of that story is that as his mother, I know best.

I had expected that my mother was going to be around on Friday to hang out and soak up some time with Aiden because that is all she ever talks about. So when I found out that they made plans to go out to lunch with some friends an hour away and then do some shopping I was a little annoyed. I'd planned to do some baking and prepping for Aiden's birthday party on Saturday and was hoping that she'd keep him occupied while I did stuff.

Fast forward to Friday night. We are kind of obligated to go to my brother's house for dinner. Aiden is in a terrible mood. He didn't take his nap that afternoon (he also didn't take his nap Thursday afternoon either) so he was crabby. He gets thrown off when strangers try to feed him. Meal times are already somewhat difficult lately so add into the mix a big dose of overtiredness, the loudest voice known to man (my SIL), and my stupid mother and you've got yourself an unpleasant situation.

DH decides to let my mother feed him and disappears to go be with the men doing guy stuff. Aiden is getting very worked up and not eating like he should. He wouldn't even eat his chicken nuggets which are his absolute favorite. My mother concludes that he's not hungry. I assure her that he is hungry he's just upset. She then goes on a rant that sometimes babies appetites change and I shouldn't force him to eat when he isn't hungry. He is just inconsolable and I feel very tense and anxious when he is like that. So I say to myself that we will take him home after he is done eating.

That was the wrong thing to say. My mother starts with the water works - I never get to see him. You don't need to be so rigid and stick to your schedule. Why can't you just be flexible and allow him to stay and visit? I travelled all this way to see him and you won't let me spend any time with him. *ROLLING EYES*

As you can imagine the rage was running through me. But I think that I handled myself very well. I said that she should look at him and see how tired and upset he is. Why should I allow him to suffer like this when I know that taking him out of this situation would appease him? She said well if he is tired I can just rock him to sleep on my shoulder. I told her no, if he is going to sleep it will be in his crib. She said can't you just let me try? I told her no, I'm not discussing it. I'm not going to let him fall asleep on her in this loud environment (there were a lot of people there, it was a dinner party) and have him not get restful sleep. Then we'd have to wake him to put him in the car, bring him home, and wake him again to get him changed and into bed. We live 5 minutes away, we should just bring him home!

So after I put my foot down she tried to run away to go pout and cry. I wouldn't let her leave. This is exactly what I said to her: "Don't you go running away and crying and not speaking to me like a baby. Sit down and finish this discussion with me. We are having a disagreement. Stay here and talk to me and lets resolve this." For cripes sake, Aiden acts more mature than she does. So she stayed and said that she has experience and its good for something. I agreed that she had experience but I do too and my experience isn't 26 years old, I know him and his needs best. I will not tolerate her questioning my decisions and thats it. Period. No more discussion.

So we ended up leaving at 8 pm. That is a half hour after he should have been in bed. Oh and I made Chris come up and finish feeding him and once my mother left the room he ate his whole dinner. It was against my better judgement to keep him up past his bedtime but I allowed it to appease her. We left with him screaming and crying from being so overtired. I hope she was happy. BEOTCH!! Also, I felt a little like she could care less about his needs. She is so selfish like that. Make him suffer as long as she gets what she wants.

He was crabby and overtired for his birthday party the next day. For that I blame my effing mother. Wouldn't you?

Just a quick post

2006-04-20T12:42:00.000-07:00

I don't really have time to write right now since Aiden dropped to one nap a day. I feel like my time is even more limited and valuable so I don't get on here and write like I should. I really wish I could allow myself a few minutes to write though, because things are piling up in my head and I definitely need to get them out here for my own personal therapy.

So this is a placeholder to remind myself to write about my mom and her last visit (of course there was a fight), her future plans (they scare the crap out of me), and the current Aiden situation (down to one nap, food difficulties, and weaning). All of these things are just stressing me out and to be honest I'm really depressed. (great now I've started crying)

I feel like I'm in the same place I was emotionally a year ago. So down, weepy, moody, and just sad. I definitely need the support of my friends right now, so just give a shout out if you can and let me know that I'll get through this.

Thanks everyone.

Happy Birthday to My Big Boy!

2006-04-18T06:56:00.000-07:00

Happy First Birthday Aiden!

A post from Aiden

2006-04-12T07:20:00.000-07:00

Aiden just wanted me to give a shout out to Anthony for him.

Hey Anthony,

Happy First Birthday buddy and many more to you!

Your pal,
Aiden

One of those proud moments

2006-04-10T06:12:00.000-07:00

My son has learned how to pick his nose.

Crawling was nice. Cruising on furniture, woo hoo! Heck, I'm sure walking will be fantastic too. But learning to pick his nose, that is something that will help him really excel in life.

I'm so proud!

And then I panic

2006-04-09T12:18:00.000-07:00

It finally happened. It was bound to sooner or later, right?

Aiden's first fall which drew blood. I've been kicking myself over and over about it.

I wasn't paying enough attention and he caught his leg in the strap of his booster chair which I was letting him play with. It was like slow motion, tumbling forward right into the coffee table at my sister in-laws house. I picked him up and he clung to me so tightly, crying his head off.

It is such a great feeling to be needed and to give comfort but at the same time I'd give that up to never see my baby hurt ever again. It took a few minutes to notice but he hit his gum right above his front tooth and it was bleeding profusely.

He seems to be better now so thankfully there is no lasting harm. I was worried that he might have knocked his tooth that is coming in a little loose. DH said to give him a cracker to chew on to see if it hurt him. I asked him if he was insane. Would he like to chomp on something hard after getting knocked in the teeth? Anyway, some tylenol and orajel and he is a new baby.

I need serious help

2006-04-06T09:21:00.000-07:00

Someone needs to figure out a way for me to exercise my brain to make it function properly again.

I just went into the kitchen to heat up lunch and found the front burner of the stove on. Its been on since I made Aiden scrambled eggs this morning at 8 am. The pan wasn't on it thankfully. But we went to playgroup this morning at 9:30. Anything could have happened.

I suck. I don't want to tell my husband because this is like the fourth time in a matter of months.

I'm leaning towards no

2006-04-05T11:58:00.000-07:00

I'm thinking maybe I'm just jumping the gun with my assumption. Its probably nothing.

Its not exactly like last time. But I feel differently than normal so who knows. I guess I still don't have a normal yet.

Lets not get too excited, its still a ways away until my period is due.

Something is different

2006-04-04T11:24:00.000-07:00

I've been through this before so you'd think I would be able to tell for sure.

But I guess we'll just have to wait a week or so and see.

Happy April

2006-04-04T07:05:00.000-07:00

I think April should be re-named Month To Get Your Butt In Gear and Do Something. Or do you think that is too long?

We had a very productive weekend and now I'm totally exhausted. I never knew how tiring it was to not sit around reading books, blogs, and drinking beer all weekend. (see how I did that with the 3 b's? pretty clever huh?)

So my mission was to paint my front door and replace the outside light fixture. I thought it would be an easy peasy weekend project. Well, it is actually but not when your husband decides that he would like to clean out/clean up the office aka the room that catches all our crap. (everyone has one of these rooms, don't deny it, you do)

The spic and spanning of the office somehow morphed into moving the furniture around which meant that everything that was in the office is now strewn around my kitchen, dining room, and living room. Moving the furniture gave us the idea that now we have more room and hey maybe we should convert half the room to a playroom for Aiden.

To make this very boring entry very exciting I will liven up the rest of it here:

Me: We should get a shelf with like cubbies! Then we could put his stuff IN the cubbies. Then we should get those foam alphabet tiles for the floor because how cute would that be?

DH: We don't have a lot of money is it cheap?

Me: Sure. Lets look at Walmart, that place is cheap.

We go to Walmart. Don't have the stuff. Go to Benny's. Don't have the stuff. Then drive 30 minutes to Toys R' Us who had the tiles (which I knew all along so shouldn't we have saved ourselves the hassle and just gone there?). Then went to Target to get the shelf (which I knew all along.....gone there?).

DH: bang bang bang (setting up shelf)

Me: paint! paint! paint! (finish one side of door and decide I'm so sick of painting now)

Aiden: I don't want to nap! *whine* I'll help Daddy by opening and closing the office door 10 gajillionmillion times.

In the end the door was done. The light fixture was changed. It looks kewl.

The play area is semi done. The crap in the office is still strewn about my house. I have no energy left to sort/toss/clean it. Maybe we'll save that for next weekend. Then I'll come back here and tell you all about it. I know you're looking forward to it.

I love this weather

2006-03-31T06:32:00.000-08:00

I can't wait until Aiden gets up from his nap and we can go out and enjoy the day. I didn't realize how cooped up we were until the weather changed. Its so nice getting out and walking. I think maybe we'll have lunch at the park again today.

Nothing much to say right now but I just wanted to post so that my last post isn't sitting there staring at me.

Chris and I made up. He worked from 7 am yesterday until 9:30 pm. It was a long day for him. I really appreciate how hard he is working and I wish there was something I could do to ease his burden. Aiden was looking around for Daddy at dinner time and again when I read him his bedtime stories instead of Daddy. That is so hard but at least its not everyday.

This morning he screamed and cried hysterically when he realized that Daddy was leaving for work. I know it broke my heart a little bit and I'm sure it must have made Chris feel badly too. Hopefully he'll get home early today and we can do something together as a family. Maybe I'll take Aiden in to see him at lunch time.

Screaming at the top of my lungs

2006-03-28T16:15:00.000-08:00

Aarrgh! I am SO frustrated.

Chris and I just had a little spat. It was not pretty. I am so just pissed off and completely annoyed with him. Where do I begin?

I called him at 4:30 and asked him if he could try to get home a little early today because Aiden only napped for a half hour (in the car) this afternoon. So I'd pretty much been going with him since 11 this morning. He said he would try.

Six o'clock rolls around and he comes waltzing in the door. I already have Aiden in his high chair and am getting him his dinner. This is his job and yet he can't be home early enough to start it. I started fuming as the minutes crept closer to 6 pm. If he had just said I'm sorry I was late, I tried, everything would have been forgiven. But he says nothing of the sort. He just acts all hurt that I'm annoyed. What the fuck ever!

I asked him to give Aiden his bath tonight without me which was met with great attitude. I swear. If he would just spend one day in my shoes and feel how exhausting it is taking care of a toddler who won't stay still! It would be one thing if he could walk well on his own but he is only at the pulling up/cruising on furniture stage. He is getting into everything and is exerting his curiousity about his surroundings. I have to be hands on every moment he is awake. Its tiring.

I told Chris that all I needed was an I'm sorry. He gets all huffy and says that he got home as early as he could and he shouldn't have to apologize for that. Fine, then just say that. Don't come home and act like everything is cool and not mention it. I try to tell him how hard its been today and he says that his job is hard too. I'm sorry but having worked for many years I don't think anything compares to motherhood. Its is the hardest, most demanding, thankless, selfless job I've ever had. To which my dearest husband replies "well the jobs you've had haven't been that hard." SHUT UP! Focker!

Ok. Deep breaths. In and out. I need to calm down or I will explode again. I was planning on putting out tonight too. Shaved and everything. Guess what? Not on your life. No fucking way.

Oh, you know what else he said. This is rich. "If you can't handle him now, how are you going to handle things with another baby?" I said, you learn to adjust and deal with what you have to. He said exactly, deal with what you have to. I have BEEN dealing. Is it too much to ask that you come home at a decent time. You leave at 7 am and come home at 6 pm. You spend a measly 2.5 hours with your son everyday. Shut up until you've been there.

I need incentive

2006-03-24T07:37:00.000-08:00

I have decided that I can't possibly lose any weight unless I have some serious incentive. I don't think just wanting to be thinner is enough. I need something tangible, a real reward, a light at the end of the tunnel.

I almost want my husband to tell me that if I lose 15 lbs. we can try to have another baby. But I don't think that will do it since he'd be willing to even if I didn't lose any weight. I just feel like I'm holding back on trying to get pregnant again because I don't want to start off this much overweight. I feel like if I can't get my shit together with one kid, how am I going to bounce back with two?

What else can there be to motivate me? Do it for your child I tell myself. Yeah, sure, ok. Still not getting off my butt though. I think of how much more energy I'll have when I'm not dragging around all these extra pounds. They're really weighing me down. Don't I want to be that fun mom that chases my kid around and has lots of fun because not only do I enjoy the time with him but I feel good about myself too?

Maybe a certain mini-van would move me enough. Hmmmm. I'll have to bring that up to DH. If I drop oh 30 lbs. maybe we could seriously look into trading in my car. That would definitely stir something up in me.

The rollercoaster of emotions

2006-03-20T07:19:00.000-08:00

That is my son lately. I'm not sure if its teething or what. Maybe he just inherited my mood swings.

Anyway, not much to share lately so I thought I would post this.

When he is happy what do you think he says?

Happy = da da da Da DADA!

Irritated/upset = *whine* *cry* ma ma ma ma ma MAMA!

Its not fair I tell you! Why is my name only associated with tantrums and such. DH thinks its because I'm the one that comforts him when he is upset so maybe he is asking for me in his own little way. All I can say is try getting him to say mama when he is in a good mood. Nope. Won't say it.

He'll even look you right in the eye and say "Na Na Na." I say no m-m-m-MA. MA MA." He just smiles and say "Na Na"

Big Boy!!!

2006-03-14T12:01:00.000-08:00

Another post about something important that really matters and shit.

I L.O.V.E. that commercial for the Citi Simplicity card where the guy is trying to call customer support and has to answer all these questions to get through. It just totally cracks me up.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Please state your pets name. Fluffy

For a prettier, shinier credit card press 4.

Other questions are asked in which he states firmly Noooo!

But my favorite part is when he is sitting on the packed train surrounded by people and must state his password. Big Boy.

But he does not state it loud enough so must then shout out BIG BOY!!!

Then he finally reaches someone just as the train goes through a tunnel and he gets cut off.

*snicker* Everytime I see that commerical I run around shouting BIG BOY to everyone in my house.

Little bites of heaven

2006-03-13T13:24:00.000-08:00

As described in Urban dictionary:

1. Cadbury Mini eggs
link send redefine 14 up, 5 down

Tha Shiznit

Buy me a Bag of Cadbury Mini Eggs
by TZA Apr 10, 2004

2. Cadbury Mini eggs
link send redefine 8 up, 1 down

These egg shaped Easter chocolates with a hard, pastel candy shell are far superior to any other Easter candy. These are not creme filled, like Cadbury's more famous Eggs, but are solid milk chocolate. These once-a-year treats don't receive the attention that they deserve.
Small, egg shaped chocolates with pastel candy shells, sold in a purple bag. Available only at Easter.

by Colleen Mar 6, 2005

Behold the power of my stupidity

2006-03-10T03:50:00.000-08:00

This is embarassing. I've never done something so blatantly stupid before in my life, that I can remember. All I can say to defend myself is that I have post partum mommy brain, which does not allow me the pre-baby level of intelligence that I used to have.

So this is what I did. I ordered the invitations for Aiden's birthday party. I've been procrastinating filling them out for weeks now because there are so many to write. I finally sat down last night and wrote each invite out. Then I went through and put our address labels on all the envelops. After I did that I sat down here at the computer and started to pull up a list so I can address them. That is when it hit me. How totally and completey stupid I have become.

As I print the list I shudder to think of what my husband is going to think. Here is how that conversation went:

Me: Hey do you know how many people we are inviting to Aiden's birthday party?

Chris: Isn't it like 30 people.

Me: Yes, and do you know how many invitations I bought?

Chris: No, how many?

Me: Yeah, 30. Do you know how many of those people live in the same household?

Chris: oh no. You idiot!

Me: I know! I can not believe how stupid I am. This is a new low. I am so ashamed.

I bought and filled out 30 invites!!! When I only need to send, get this, ready for it? Be prepared to be impressed:

8

*and three of those 30 were Chris, Aiden and I. D'oh!!!

All I want to do is eat

2006-03-07T07:09:00.000-08:00

Seriously. This seems to be how I fill my day. I feel like I am always eating.

I am so weak. I can't turn anything down. Cookies? sure. Ice cream? why not? UGH

I'm just having a pitty party fat day. Don't mind me.

Talk, Talk, Talk

2006-03-03T06:46:00.000-08:00

DH and I had a long discussion last night about a lot of things that have been bothering the both of us. We stayed up until midnight just talking. It was really nice to be having an actual conversation with each other instead of going about our various tasks and being mostly centered on Aiden. Although, we did beat each other up a bit, gently of course, it was still good to get it out and I hope it will help in the long run.

He basically would like me to work on how I word things because apparently I am coming off as being insensitive and mean. He tried to give me examples of how I do this. I guess its always hard to see it when you're analyzing your own actions. I have a short fuse/quick temper and I think its even worse now with the whole PMS/hormonal shifts that my body hasn't gone through in well over a year. It does a number on my mentality.

I asked him to be more helpful, instead of me having to ask him to help out. I also asked him again to please try to be more attentive when I am speaking. My biggest pet peeve is having to repeat myself which is something I need to do quite frequently around my DH.

We made an agreement that he would cook one dinner during the week and I would do the rest. I think that seems very reasonable and fair. The weekends are left up to circumstances. He admitted to me that sometimes he comes home and wonders what I've done all day. I admitted that I spend way more time on the computer than is necessary. So I am making an effort to be more aware of my computer usage and try to get my housework done first.

We also discussed our finances and he is considering letting me get a job. He was not agreeable to it the last time we discussed it. But he did let me in on what exactly is going on with our finances and it looks like we should be breathing easier come June. We've got one loan that will be paid off then and the money we've been paying on it every month can get put to other uses. My car loan is going to be paid off in 2.5 years. Thats not too bad. So we'll see what we decide about me working.

The last thing that we discussed was my being able to have ME time. I really feel like I need to get out by myself more for my own sanity. Just being able to run to the store without all this careful planning and waiting, plus 20 minutes to get a little boy out the door, would be soooooo nice. Even being able to sit on the computer for a few minutes alone without interruption would qualify.

So we'll see how things turn around in our house. I really hope this helps us.

Silly Smile

2006-02-28T06:36:00.000-08:00

The twenty dollar question

2006-02-27T07:12:00.000-08:00

Let me ask you something. Would you lie to someone to spare them pain and heartache?

Let me ask you another question. Would you answer a very personal question asked by someone who you aren't close with? Someone who you don't share personal things with? A question about something that you haven't shared with anyone else EVER?

Personally, I feel that if I wanted to share anything with this person I would do it on my own terms. I want to ask this person, what do you really expect me to say? You want me to answer something for you that I've never spoken of to anyone. I can understand wanting to know but can you understand me not wanting to tell you?

This is something that has been bothering me for many many months. The question was asked almost a year ago and I still think I did the right thing by not telling them the truth. But I have a sinking feeling that sooner or later the truth will be known and it will hurt this person. It will hurt me too. But not only will the truth hurt this person, the fact that I didn't say anything when I had the chance will hurt even more.

Or maybe they will never find out. Maybe.

Thats enough for now

2006-02-24T03:46:00.000-08:00

I had my second dental appointment yesterday to get filings done from when my teeth apparently rotted like crazy during my pregnancy. I had ten cavities. TEN!! So now I've had half of them filled and still need to go back for two more appointments.

So here is something I don't understand about the dentist. Why and split it up into all these visits? Personally, I think its so they can make oodles of money out of me. Because with every new visit I pay another co-pay. Which is now not so cheap with DH's insurance - I paid $80 each vist for the copay alone. Then you factor in how much the filings cost out of pocket after the insurance barely pays a portion and we've already spent almost $500 on my stupid teeth.

DH and I discussed this last night and decided that we should postpone the rest of the filings. I know this isn't the smartest idea because when it comes to your teeth, well, you kind of need them. But money just isn't flowing right now. In fact, just yesterday DH got an overdraft notice from his bank. Also, we need to refill our oil tank before we run out and have no idea how we're going to pay for it. I don't like this living paycheck to paycheck. Its not the example on how to be financially smart that I want to set for our children.

Maybe I should get a part time job and work weekends. I don't know. I should do what I can to help though, I hate feeling like a freeloader even though I'm doing an important job taking care of our son. All the more reason for DH to get his butt back to school I guess. Well, I'm off to balance my check book and see what I can scrounge up for oil.

The long hard road ahead

2006-02-23T03:46:00.000-08:00

DH and I discussed last night the possibility of him returning to school to get his bachelors degree. Its really not something that he can NOT do. If he ever wants to advance or get a much better pay increase he needs to finish his schooling. Sure, he's been at this same job for 10 years now, but people his age are starting to get into positions that he could very well do but isn't considered for because of his lack of degree.

So we discussed it and I think he should do it now while Aiden is still young. I feel that the older he gets the more he is going to want Daddy's attention. He won't even remember all the weekends Daddy is studying in a few years. Its going to be really hard since I will have to take on the role of main parental figure but I think it will be worth it in the end. Eventually, DH will repay me for my efforts by taking on my role while I go back and finish school. I even thought about just taking on one course (online) myself now but DH doesn't think its a good idea. We'll see. I'm still thinking about it.

I know I'm going to need to finish eventually. I'm not going to be staying at home forever. Plus, its good to keep my mind stimulated. But, maybe now isn't the best time for it. I'd have to be studying while Aiden naps and after he goes to bed in the evenings. It would leave no time for fun. But if DH is also studying it doesn't leave me trying to entertain myself by myself. We'll see, I need to think about it some more.

Somewhere In Time

2006-02-22T03:59:00.000-08:00

Aiden and I are going out to breakfast this morning with some people from MOMS Club. I hope that it goes well. The place is called Somewhere In Time. I've never been there so I've got to find it which always makes me a little anxious when I don't know exactly where I'm driving to.

Hopefully Aiden does well. The last time we took him to a restaurant, it was awful. He was also pretty tired which was contributing to his melt down. Today the breakfast is at 9:30 which is the time he usually goes down for his morning nap. I'm going to see if he can't make it through and take his nap later.

Its tough sometimes because almost all the activities for MOMs Club start at like 10 am. He is almost always sleeping at 10 am on any given day. I feel like if I keep him home so he can take his nap then we're missing out on all these activities, which is the whole point of joining the club. Sometimes I feel like I will be so grateful when he is down to one nap a day. But that is only on the days I want to go somewhere or do something. ha!

Can we talk about my husband?

2006-02-20T06:57:00.000-08:00

And how wonderful he can be? He's proven to be a really wonderful dad, like I always knew he would be. But what is also really great is how he is such a cool uncle too.

Yesterday while I was getting everything ready for our company, he was creating a little scavenger hunt for our 5 year old nephew. He went through all this effort writing clues and hiding them all over the house. He was really creative with it and the way he wrote the clues helped Sam with his reading skills too.

When Sam got here and we told him about it he didn't want to play though. But my MIL was like, oh come on, it will be fun. After he found the first two clues he was totally hooked. He was all over the house and so excited everytime he found something hidden under the crib, behind the trash can, in a plant, and even one he hid in my BIL's pocket when he wasn't looking. He was sounding out the words and reading the clue aloud to all of us. It was just so great to see him so excited and really having a good time. So every clue he found had a letter and when you got all the letters you write them in order to reveal a message.

Chris was originally going to write "Sam is cool" but I said why don't you write something funny. So we came up with Sam's favorite little joke. He thinks its so funny when he asks you "Guess what?" and you say "What?" He'll say "chicken butt" and laugh. So that was the message: Guess what? Chicken Butt. He was laughing and laughing when he read it finally after all that hunting. Chris also planted a bonus clue at the end that led to a dollar bill he had stuffed into Sam's coat pocket when he came in.

I really look forward to all the fun things he will think of to play with Aiden when he gets older.

The first time I sit down all day

2006-02-19T11:06:00.000-08:00

Is today Sunday? I have not had a relaxing weekend at all. DH sprung a birthday party for my MIL on me late last week. Guess when it is? TODAY. Yep. So Friday was spent brainstorming what to serve and yesterday was spent shopping and preparing. I stayed up until 11 last night trying to get as much of the meal made ahead of time as could be done. I know thats not really that late but when you consider that somebody, I won't name names, decided that 4:30 am is a great time to start the day, well it doesn't seem too early a bedtime.

So what are we having you ask? Oh I think I've outdone myself this time folks. See, I love to cook. I love to ohhhs and ahhhs I get when I prepare a scrumptious meal. I always want to top myself everytime we have guests. I pride myself on the fact that what you will be served in my house is very different from any of my other ILs. But they love that about me. I always go a little more middle eastern with my food - they're more plain ole' meat and potatoes types.

So I broke out my new cookbook from Giada and got to work planning our meal. For appetizers we will be serving cheese, soupy, and crackers, marinated mushrooms, assorted middleastern olives, bruschetta, and white bean dip with pita chips. For dinner we are having scallops (my MIL's favorite) wrapped in pancetta with a holandaise sauce, roasted asparagus, caprese salad, scalloped potatoes (DH wanted this), and cheesy rosemary breadsticks. For dessert we will have tiramisu, fresh berries with chocolate sauce leftover from the tiramisu, and I made a special little creation of ladyfingers, homemade whipped cream, and berries all layered together for my nephew who probably won't like the tiramisu.

On that note, Aiden is waking up from his nap and they'll be here in a half hour. I better go. Wish me luck!

I'm a little sad

2006-02-18T03:59:00.000-08:00

Good ole' aunt flo showed up this morning. Even though we weren't exactly trying and I was 99% sure that I wasn't pregnant I still feel a little sad. I guess just the fact that I had a long cycle made me wonder and gave a slight feeling of hope.

I'm not sure if its just hormones from my period or what? Maybe this is a sign that I definitely feel like I'm ready for another baby. I can think of a ton of reasons why we should wait. Its so hard to be completely sure that this is the right thing to do right now. Do I want another baby now for selfish reasons? Because they are so awesome and I've got so much love to give. Is that enough of a reason to try?

We were THOSE people last night

2006-02-15T08:50:00.000-08:00

The ones that take their baby out to dinner with them on Valentines Day at a nice restaurant. The ones whose baby keeps throwing little tantrums, crying, and whining which is ruining everyone elses dinner. Yeah. I was very embarassed.

Usually he does really well at restaurants. I just wanted to run away last night though. Didn't want to sit in the high chair so we got his booster and brought it in. Didn't want to sit in that either, wanted to play with it. Then I wasn't thinking when I grabbed his toy bag that I keep in the car but the majority of the toys in it are not quiet play toys - totally not appropriate for a small restaurant.

We had to ask them to wrap up our meals to go by the time they actually brought them to our table. We get in the car and DH asks me why I was so tense. *sigh*

Can it be 10 months already?

2006-02-14T06:20:00.000-08:00

Time sure does fly when you're having fun doesn't it?

My baby is growing up so fast. Pretty soon he's not going to be a baby anymore.

Happy 10 month birthday big boy and Happy Valentines Day too!!

I love you SOOOOOOOO much!! *smooch*

Open letter to my mother

2006-02-13T07:24:00.000-08:00

Mom,

As I was sitting here this morning feeding Aiden his breakfast I started to remember something long ago. When I was in 5th grade I remember going to school pretty often without a lunch. I remember that some of my teachers would feel sorry for me and would buy me a hot lunch or get me some things from the teachers room to eat.

I was thinking about this mom and I wondered, when did you stop caring if I had a lunch or not? Did you really think at that young age, how old must I have been, 10 or 11, that I was capable of preparing my own lunch for school? I guess maybe I could have been, if we'd had any food in the house.

I remember feeling anxious when lunch time would near. I knew I'd sit there while all the other kids ate their lunches that their parents had lovingly provided for them. Why did you stop caring? As I got older I just learned to steal money out of your wallet for my lunch. I mean, what was Dad paying you child support for anyway? I never felt bad about taking it either. I mean $1.50 went a long way in a school cafeteria back then.

I know its nothing that I can change now but I can vow that I will always make sure my children have food to eat and a lunch to take to school. I don't think its a huge sacrafice as a mother to do that for your child.

Sincerly,
Me

Just ugh

2006-02-10T06:22:00.000-08:00

I can not tell you how sick of sickness I am. I feel like the last three months have been a constant battle with germs. I am sick of tissues, sick of snot, sick of puking, sick of runny noses, sore throats, whining, crying, and fevers. Bottom line - I am just SICK OF IT ALL!!!

I want a vacation, by myself where I won't come into contact with anyone who might be spreading their germyness around me and my family.

I am losing my patience today. Aiden doesn't want to play, wants to be held, doesn't want to be held, wants to just whine. Sometimes, I think he is just whining because he can and there isn't actually anything really bugging him. Its really hard to keep picking him up and putting him down over and over when all you really need to do is blow your friggin nose for the gazillionth time. Which is sore and red and cracking.

*WHINE* *WHINE* *WHINE*

Ok, let me just pout a little bit more and then I'll stop. I put Aiden down an hour early for his nap because I couldn't deal anymore. Miracle of miracles he fell asleep. Now if he would just sleep for the rest of the day then maybe I could get myself together and be a half decent mother.

I can NOT be sick AGAIN

2006-02-08T04:27:00.000-08:00

This sucks. I am sick with a damn cold yet again. That is one every month for the last three months. How in the heck does this keep happening? I am very diligent with washing my hands. We haven't been around other sickies. UGH!!

I have spent the last two nights waking up every other hour because I can't breathe and my throat is SOOOO sore. What sucks even more is that I can not take anything for it because we're still nursing. *sob*

Random Muffings

2006-02-04T17:04:00.000-08:00

Its been a while so I figure I should update. Not too much going on these days. Aiden is still sick. DH has come to the conclusion that its allergies, most likely to pet dander from our two cats. So he has vacuumed the house like crazy today, dusted, and changed sheets and everything. He doesn't want me to have Aiden play on the floor anymore unless there is a blanket beneath him, but the blanket must not be anything with a thick fiber he says, so that it doesn't trap pet dander in it. *sigh*

I don't think all of this is going to really help all that much when you live with two cats. I mean they're in our home and spreading their fur and stuff everywhere. I refuse to lock them up in a room and not let them have reign of the house like someone else I know *cough* STUPID SIL *cough*. Because then why and even have pets if you're going to give them a shitty life. Granted I haven't been vacuuming and dusting like I used to do every weekend. Like my dear friend Chong reminded me, they're only this age/size once and if you spend all your energy keeping your house clean before you know it they've grown up and you didn't cherish the time you had with them.

But if DH wants to run around dusting, vacuuming, loading and unloading the dishwasher, doing laundry, etc. that is fine with me. Not to give you all the impression that I'm supremely lazy or anything. I threw my back out carrying my little monkey who is not so little anymore. I have been trying to take it easy all weekend. The fact that my DH is running around cleaning like a crazy man just makes me feel inadequate for not doing it myself.

I'm cheating

2006-01-30T08:34:00.000-08:00

On my diet. I'm cheating on my diet.

I find dieting to be too restrictive. I don't like be restricted. Maybe its a gut reaction due to the fact that I was raised in a very strict religion all my life. I must rebel at every opportunity.

That is precisely what I do with this diet. Everytime I'm out and about I must get myself something that I'm not supposed to have - two white chocolate macadamia cookies, a bagel, a donut, a greasy pretzel with honey mustard.

I never tell my husband what I do but I always feel like he knows. He must know. Doesn't he notice that I'm not losing any more weight (I'm not gaining any either)? Probably not if you read my last posting.

I'm sitting here contemplating what I'm going to have for lunch. I could be good and make a salad but that just seems like a huge effort and I want to be lazy today. There is a frozen cheese pizza calling my name but I've been resisting it for weeks. It would be so easy to just cave in. I feel like I have these battles everyday. It IS so easy just to cave in and that is what I always do.

I'm never going to lose any real weight unless I stop making the easy choice. So why bother dieting at this stage? Its just counterproductive and making me miserable. I don't know when I'll be ready to get serious about this but I don't know if its now.

Attention to detail

2006-01-30T08:27:00.000-08:00

Is this an issue with all men or just my husband? He has a really hard time paying attention to detail.

Honey - do we have any waterchestnuts? Yeah, I say, in the cupboard. I don't see them he says. I huff and puff and climb onto my step stool to check for him and they're right in front of all the other cans in plain view.

This is something that goes on pretty much daily since I've known my dear sweet husband.

It doesn't really bother me that much. In fact it can be downright amusing at times.

For example. I brought home new toothbrushes the other day. There wasn't a huge color selection for the ones I wanted so I bought one pink and one green one. I assume that the choice over who gets which is obvious but if you're not paying attention to details then I guess it isn't. All I can say is that Chris now brushes with a bright pink toothbrush.

Its a funny reminder of this quality of his everyday when I brush.