I'm cheating

On my diet. I'm cheating on my diet.

I find dieting to be too restrictive. I don't like be restricted. Maybe its a gut reaction due to the fact that I was raised in a very strict religion all my life. I must rebel at every opportunity.

That is precisely what I do with this diet. Everytime I'm out and about I must get myself something that I'm not supposed to have - two white chocolate macadamia cookies, a bagel, a donut, a greasy pretzel with honey mustard.

I never tell my husband what I do but I always feel like he knows. He must know. Doesn't he notice that I'm not losing any more weight (I'm not gaining any either)? Probably not if you read my last posting.

I'm sitting here contemplating what I'm going to have for lunch. I could be good and make a salad but that just seems like a huge effort and I want to be lazy today. There is a frozen cheese pizza calling my name but I've been resisting it for weeks. It would be so easy to just cave in. I feel like I have these battles everyday. It IS so easy just to cave in and that is what I always do.

I'm never going to lose any real weight unless I stop making the easy choice. So why bother dieting at this stage? Its just counterproductive and making me miserable. I don't know when I'll be ready to get serious about this but I don't know if its now.

Attention to detail

Is this an issue with all men or just my husband? He has a really hard time paying attention to detail.

Honey - do we have any waterchestnuts? Yeah, I say, in the cupboard. I don't see them he says. I huff and puff and climb onto my step stool to check for him and they're right in front of all the other cans in plain view.

This is something that goes on pretty much daily since I've known my dear sweet husband.

It doesn't really bother me that much. In fact it can be downright amusing at times.

For example. I brought home new toothbrushes the other day. There wasn't a huge color selection for the ones I wanted so I bought one pink and one green one. I assume that the choice over who gets which is obvious but if you're not paying attention to details then I guess it isn't. All I can say is that Chris now brushes with a bright pink toothbrush.

Its a funny reminder of this quality of his everyday when I brush.

The post you've all been waiting for

Did you think I would let a visit from the Queen of Crazy go by without writing about it? I would have written sooner but Sicky McSickerson has turned into Klingy McKlingerson too.

So the visit actually wasn't all that bad. I only got mad at her a couple of times. Like I predicted, Aiden is of the age where he will let you know if he doesn't like what you're doing. He wasn't having the whole picking me up constantly and smooching on me till I'm soaking wet thing. Aiden also started coming down with this cold while she was here so that kind of got her to lay off a bit.

One thing that really irked me though is this: Aiden would be on the floor playing with a toy and she would keep trying to get him to play with something else. He would ignore her or give her a courtesy look and then keep right on playing with whatever he was playing with. Or if he did take the toy from her, two seconds later she'd try to get him to play with something else. Watching this behavior from her clarified one thing for me. Now I can totally see how my brother ended up with ADD. Jeebus woman!

She brought Aiden this ugly pink, blue, and yellow Beanie Baby moose. The kid couldn't care less about the hideous thing. But that is one of the toys she kept trying to get him to play with. Picture this with me - a high pitched yell of MOOSIE!! MOOSIE!!! over and over and over..... while she shakes the fugly thing in my sons face. Yeah!

Now for some choice gems that I can't forget to share.

The woman was absolutely gobsmacked that I do not give my son snacks. He eats three meals a day and nurses 5 times a day. There really is no need to give him a snack at 9 months of age. She just gave me this look like she thought I was being ridiculous again.

My grandmother gave me the most scary and ass like piece of advice ever. When we were discussing that he was teething she said oh just do what I did with the kids. What is that you ask? Oh she gave them a chicken bone to teeth on! Yeah, you read that right. A CHICKEN BONE!!! With the meat cleaned off of course. That or a wooden clothes pin, not the new kind but the old round shaped ones. *insert shocked face*

Oh yeah

Definitely not just teething. He is sick. I can tell for sure now because DH and I have caught whatever it is. Sore throat. Yucky snotty nose. Probably a cold. This blows! I just got over a cold at Christmas time.

I guess this is to be expected when you have children. Right? They're like magnets for this stuff. Always catching something. I imagine it would be worse if he was in daycare. But we got to playgroups now, maybe that is where he's picking this stuff up.

At least he slept well last night for a change. He is hacking a lot this morning though. I wish I could give him some tea or something. Poor baby!

Pack me off the looney bin

Because I don't know if I can stand another day of teething. Oh its bad. Really bad. So much worse than I ever imagined it could be. To top it all off, I think that not only is Aiden teething, but he's also a little sick. I don't think a croupy type cough is a side effect of teething, but those who've been there may know. Help me out here?? He coughs and it sounds like he chokes a little bit.

He's had a fever on and off for the past few days. His mood. Oh his mood. The evening is the worst time. He was up last night for two hours past his bed time which made him way overtired and I could tell that he just felt like crap. He also woke up about 4 times during the night. One time he was screaming. He has a runny nose too. But he is eating pretty good still. A little less than usual but still a good amount.

I don't know. He doesn't have a fever this morning so I don't think I'll call the doctors office. I've got some vics lotion that I can put on him tonight and I'll give him a vapor bath. I just don't know when its serious enough to be calling the doctors. I just want to hold him and rock him and tell him he'll feel better soon but he won't even let me do that. *sniffle*

I've got the fever

The baby fever. Everytime I see a newborn I ache and think oh I want one! Every time I hear of a new pregnancy, be it a friend or a celebrity, I think oh I really want one!

So I finally got up the nerve to ask DH last night when he thinks we should try for another baby. His answer: I don't know. Then he says: Not soon. OKAAAAAAY. Well that clears that question right up.

He told me that he thinks I should get my body back to the condition I want it in first. Which, yes and no. Yes, because then maybe I wouldn't be starting out the wrong way. No, because why get myself all slimmed down to fatten back up immediately again. I just don't know what the best choice is here.

The other reason he gave is that he still wants to enjoy Aiden right now, just Aiden. I can totally understand that. That is the big reason I'm doubting trying now too. But I think that we'll still be able to enjoy Aiden because we've got 9 months before we have another child.

I asked if he'd be willing to just throw caution to the wind and let it happen when it happens. He's not keen on the idea. I really tried to sell it to him though. It took us 9 months to get pregnant with Aiden and that was with charting and an effort for perfect timing. This time I think it would take longer since we aren't doing it every other day like we were back then. But he said I don't know for certain that that is what will happen and I could get pregnant the very next time.

So, no decision has been made yet. I think its safe to say we aren't going to start trying for a little while yet. We'll see, maybe this summer.

Teething SUCKS

All those times that I thought he was teething? Yeah, he wasn't. Because he most definitely is now! My poor baby! *crying*

Ugh! If there was any way for me to feel this pain instead of him I would do it 100 times over. I've never experienced anything so gut wrenching as seeing your child in pain like this. I just want those damn teeth to hurry up and break through so he can get some reprieve.

All the signs are definitely present this time: fever, swollen gums, frequent night waking/crying, runny nose, and cough. The only sign that he isn't showing is rejection of foods or bottles/nursing. Maybe its just not at that point yet, I hope we never get there.

On hiatus

Muffy, insecurity at its best will be on hiatus until the wicked witch of the south leaves town.

I have secured two appointments this week that I must go to. Actually one I was going to go to today but Aiden napped for 2.5 hours - which he never ever does. It was pointless to try to get there before it closes. So that means my mother can not be here all day long since we've got places to go and people to see.

I'm also taking him with me to a baby shower on Saturday so theres that. You may say that I'm the evil one who is keeping her away from her grandson. Fine if you want to think that. But if you had a mother as sinister and wackadoo as mine you'd be planning ways to avoid her too. She'll see him plenty this trip and if not she'll be here in another month anyway. Damn it woman! You live 8 hours away from us and yet you see him more often than his Grandfather that lives 45 minutes away. Jeez! and STFU!!!!

The calm before the storm

Today is going to be a good day. Aiden and I are going to a playdate at 11 with a little girl who is 6 months old and a little boy who is 8 months old. It should be a nice time. I'm really looking forward to it. Tomorrow, Aiden and I are going to chill out at the house and do some cleaning. This is the calm before the storm.

Because Wednesday the she-devil from the south is coming. Thats right folks, my mother will be arriving. Dun Dun Dun Dun DUUUUUUUNNNNNN!!!!

*sigh*

I wish I wasn't so freaked out. Its just that I can't recollect a single visit with my mother that hasn't ended in a fight and her storming out of here vowing never to return again. The worst part is that DH will be working and I will be stuck with her evilness yet again. This is what they do, they arrive at 8 o'freakin clock in the morning and stay ALL DAY LONG. But its not even pleasant though. Its tense the whole time. My stepfather just parks himself on my couch with the remote while my mother keeps picking the baby up and not just letting him play or just be. She keeps forcing stepfather to hold him, when he clearly does not want to be held and then a scream fest ensues.

If I take the baby off to go nurse him or put him down for a nap that means that I'm deliberately keeping him from her or running this place like a prison because can't a baby just skip a nap when his evil no good grandmother is in town. FUCK NO! I'm hoping that the saving grace will be my little guy this time. He is now very adament about what he wants and will tantrum if she doesn't let him do what he wants. He won't let her keep picking him up and definitely won't let her be in his face every single second. Is it bad that I'm looking forward to this part?

She called to say that they will be here Wednesday and would like to spend Thursday - Saturday with him. UGH! UGH! UGH!! I don't want that many straight hours with my mother. I'll die! Plus I have plans Thursday night and Saturday afternoon. I can't stand that she comes in here like a tornado and wrecks everything we've got going on.

Wish me luck!

9 months old

My little guy is 9 months old today. I can't help but wonder where the time has gone. More than half of the first year of his life has flown by. I look back on the early days when everything seemed SO hard and I get misty and long to go back and do it all again. Now everything still seems so hard because I'm actually expected to teach him stuff. That is a heck of a lot of pressure.

He is working on his mobility more and more everyday. He is a late mover thats for sure. He has finally mastered rolling over! yes, thats right rolling over. He will roll all around his room now and I'm having trouble putting him down for naps because he keeps rolling all around his crib and bonking his head on stuff. He is kind of crawling but not really. He plants his head on the floor and then pulls his legs up at an akward angle. One goes out to his side and it looks like he is going to break his hip. He also stands pretty well at his Leapstart table. He can stand at it and turn around to me and then turn back.

I've been making the alphabet sounds to him everyday for the last couple of weeks and he loves listening to it. I noticed that since doing this he can now make the B, V, and Th sounds. I also noticed that he knows what we're saying a lot of the time. I guess now I have to start watching my language around him.

I was thinking last night about how much I love him. Its such a powerful feeling. I've never felt like this for any other person in my life. I love him so much that it makes me want to cry, my chest aches, and I just want to burst. Some people wonder how can you possibly love another child as much as your first and I have to say that its probably really easy. I know I can't wait to feel this love for our future children. Its addicting.

Well, I'm going to go and plant some big smoochers on my little man. Happy 9 months chunky mc monkey.

I am SO hungry

All day long I am starving. I don't remember feeling this way last time I did the diet. DH thinks its because my appetite wasn't as big last time I did it. I don't know but I'm pretty miserable all the time and my mood is not good. I've been very snippy. What do you expect from someone who is starving all the time?

We're going to skip the second week of phase 1 and go right into phase 2. I don't know if that is going to help but who cares. Total weight lost so far: 6 lbs

Okay, so its a new year

and you know what that means - RESOLUTIONS.

This year my resolutions are as usual, lose weight and take better care of myself, oh and be nicer to people. ha!

So far so good on these resolutions. I've made appointments for the dentist and the eye doctor and actually went. I've been kicking my butt in gear to take better care of my teeth since they're the only ones I've got and I think I'm going to need them for a while. I've been flossing everyday since mid-December. I can tell its making a difference and so could my dentist. I go back in May and I really hope that they see even more improvement.

The other big change is diet. I started the South Beach diet yet again. The first phase sucks donkey balls but its okay because its only two weeks. The second phase isn't so bad, its so close to the way I like to eat on a day to day basis anyway that it doesn't feel like I'm sacraficing that much. I started on Monday and so far so good. I've lost 4 lbs. That does include some cheating because I also started my period on Monday and what woman can not have chocolate during this crisis? I haven't even exercised yet, but I plan on starting that tonight to give myself an added boost.

I really hope this is my year to finally be happy with myself and my body.

Damn You Laurie Berkner and Your Catchy Tunes!

Not only do I find myself bouncing around the house at random times going "This is me, This is me, This is me and my energy!" and "Blow a kiss, MMMMWAH. Blow a kiss, MMMWAH." Oh and also "Hey Victor! Hey Freddy! Lets eat some spaghetti!"

What is worse is that now DH has caught onto the infection. Last night while feeding Aiden his dinner I could hear him singing "I'm a gonna drive my car." While we were making a really great dinner last night together we were singing all about Victor and Freddy. When we jumped into bed, we both sang out in unision "this is me and my LACK of energy." Great minds.

I might have a whole dance routine to Song in My Tummy but I'll never tell. ha ha!

My new cds music review

I got several new CDs for Christmas this year. I have listened to them all and here is my review:

Fall Out Boy, From Under the Cork Tree - its a little bit punk, not real true punk, but punk like Green Day is. I really like it. This ties for my favorite new CD with one other one I got. I haven't heard a single song on the CD that I don't like and I think its so rare these days to like an entire CD from beginning to end.

The Killers, Hot Fuss - AWESOME! This is my favorite one so far. Every song is really good. Some of the songs give me a throw back to the 80s feeling. I have listened to this one several times already and it give me a really good feeling, it just energizes me if you believe music has that ability.

Gwen Stefani, Love, Angel, Music, Baby - Well, with the exception of the songs that have already been released to the radio and TV, I don't like any of the other songs. Which isn't so bad since 80% of the album was released as singles.

Coldplay, X&Y - I've only listened to it twice now but I definitely think their last album was better. The songs are all really mellow and kind of blah. Nothing is really moving, no really cool piano rhythms with the exception of Fix You. I guess I'll try it again for relaxing in the bath or something, not driving cause it will make you drowsy.

Kanye West, Late Registration - I like the first half of this cd more than the second half. I have to admit that I haven't listened to the second half more than once yet. I know this probably doesn't sound all that great but here is the feeling I get - I love rap music, always have. But there comes a point when I get so sick of songs constantly about how black people are oppressed and they need to take back what is theirs. I respect Kanye for his music but I don't respect this attitude. I've always felt sympathetic but was he ever a slave? Was his mother? Father? No, I seriously doubt it. Enough already!

Laurie Berkner, Under a Shady Tree - This is Aiden's CD but I'll review it anyway. SO good. This truly is a non-annoying children's music CD. The songs really get stuck in your head. DH and I were singing them to each other alot over the week. Every song is fun and catchy. This is going to be one of my new must buys for new mothers.

Long time, No write

Yeah, so I slacked last week. What do you want I was majorly sick?

DH was awesome and took really great care of Aiden while I got to get loads of sleep and try to feel better. What is his reward for all that good work? He got sick too! We're both feeling a bit better but now Aiden is sick. I figured it was probably inevitable and I'm just suprised it didn't happen sooner.

I was washing dishes and Aiden was playing in his exersaucer this morning and he starts screaming, so I look over at him and there is just loads of snot running out of his nose. Poor baby! So I get out the EVIL bulb syringe and go to town. He is crying such a pititful cry and I can tell that he doesn't feel well. It just breaks my heart. You can hear the stuffiness when he breathes through his nose. So I gave him some tylenol and he is now sleeping, hopefully it'll be a good nap so he can recuperate a bit. I can tell that he really isn't well because he let me rock him a little bit in his chair in his room. He is not big on rocking and being snuggled, there is too much to look at around him. I just wanted to cry when I was holding him and watching his tear streaked face and red eyes from crying. I know how he feels, its no fun.

Well, how was that for a boring first post of the year?