Tuesday, February 28, 2006
Silly Smile

Monday, February 27, 2006
The twenty dollar question
Let me ask you something. Would you lie to someone to spare them pain and heartache?

Let me ask you another question. Would you answer a very personal question asked by someone who you aren't close with? Someone who you don't share personal things with? A question about something that you haven't shared with anyone else EVER?

Personally, I feel that if I wanted to share anything with this person I would do it on my own terms. I want to ask this person, what do you really expect me to say? You want me to answer something for you that I've never spoken of to anyone. I can understand wanting to know but can you understand me not wanting to tell you?

This is something that has been bothering me for many many months. The question was asked almost a year ago and I still think I did the right thing by not telling them the truth. But I have a sinking feeling that sooner or later the truth will be known and it will hurt this person. It will hurt me too. But not only will the truth hurt this person, the fact that I didn't say anything when I had the chance will hurt even more.

Or maybe they will never find out. Maybe.

Friday, February 24, 2006
Thats enough for now
I had my second dental appointment yesterday to get filings done from when my teeth apparently rotted like crazy during my pregnancy. I had ten cavities. TEN!! So now I've had half of them filled and still need to go back for two more appointments.

So here is something I don't understand about the dentist. Why and split it up into all these visits? Personally, I think its so they can make oodles of money out of me. Because with every new visit I pay another co-pay. Which is now not so cheap with DH's insurance - I paid $80 each vist for the copay alone. Then you factor in how much the filings cost out of pocket after the insurance barely pays a portion and we've already spent almost $500 on my stupid teeth.

DH and I discussed this last night and decided that we should postpone the rest of the filings. I know this isn't the smartest idea because when it comes to your teeth, well, you kind of need them. But money just isn't flowing right now. In fact, just yesterday DH got an overdraft notice from his bank. Also, we need to refill our oil tank before we run out and have no idea how we're going to pay for it. I don't like this living paycheck to paycheck. Its not the example on how to be financially smart that I want to set for our children.

Maybe I should get a part time job and work weekends. I don't know. I should do what I can to help though, I hate feeling like a freeloader even though I'm doing an important job taking care of our son. All the more reason for DH to get his butt back to school I guess. Well, I'm off to balance my check book and see what I can scrounge up for oil.

Thursday, February 23, 2006
The long hard road ahead
DH and I discussed last night the possibility of him returning to school to get his bachelors degree. Its really not something that he can NOT do. If he ever wants to advance or get a much better pay increase he needs to finish his schooling. Sure, he's been at this same job for 10 years now, but people his age are starting to get into positions that he could very well do but isn't considered for because of his lack of degree.

So we discussed it and I think he should do it now while Aiden is still young. I feel that the older he gets the more he is going to want Daddy's attention. He won't even remember all the weekends Daddy is studying in a few years. Its going to be really hard since I will have to take on the role of main parental figure but I think it will be worth it in the end. Eventually, DH will repay me for my efforts by taking on my role while I go back and finish school. I even thought about just taking on one course (online) myself now but DH doesn't think its a good idea. We'll see. I'm still thinking about it.

I know I'm going to need to finish eventually. I'm not going to be staying at home forever. Plus, its good to keep my mind stimulated. But, maybe now isn't the best time for it. I'd have to be studying while Aiden naps and after he goes to bed in the evenings. It would leave no time for fun. But if DH is also studying it doesn't leave me trying to entertain myself by myself. We'll see, I need to think about it some more.

Wednesday, February 22, 2006
Somewhere In Time
Aiden and I are going out to breakfast this morning with some people from MOMS Club. I hope that it goes well. The place is called Somewhere In Time. I've never been there so I've got to find it which always makes me a little anxious when I don't know exactly where I'm driving to.

Hopefully Aiden does well. The last time we took him to a restaurant, it was awful. He was also pretty tired which was contributing to his melt down. Today the breakfast is at 9:30 which is the time he usually goes down for his morning nap. I'm going to see if he can't make it through and take his nap later.

Its tough sometimes because almost all the activities for MOMs Club start at like 10 am. He is almost always sleeping at 10 am on any given day. I feel like if I keep him home so he can take his nap then we're missing out on all these activities, which is the whole point of joining the club. Sometimes I feel like I will be so grateful when he is down to one nap a day. But that is only on the days I want to go somewhere or do something. ha!

Monday, February 20, 2006
Can we talk about my husband?
And how wonderful he can be? He's proven to be a really wonderful dad, like I always knew he would be. But what is also really great is how he is such a cool uncle too.

Yesterday while I was getting everything ready for our company, he was creating a little scavenger hunt for our 5 year old nephew. He went through all this effort writing clues and hiding them all over the house. He was really creative with it and the way he wrote the clues helped Sam with his reading skills too.

When Sam got here and we told him about it he didn't want to play though. But my MIL was like, oh come on, it will be fun. After he found the first two clues he was totally hooked. He was all over the house and so excited everytime he found something hidden under the crib, behind the trash can, in a plant, and even one he hid in my BIL's pocket when he wasn't looking. He was sounding out the words and reading the clue aloud to all of us. It was just so great to see him so excited and really having a good time. So every clue he found had a letter and when you got all the letters you write them in order to reveal a message.

Chris was originally going to write "Sam is cool" but I said why don't you write something funny. So we came up with Sam's favorite little joke. He thinks its so funny when he asks you "Guess what?" and you say "What?" He'll say "chicken butt" and laugh. So that was the message: Guess what? Chicken Butt. He was laughing and laughing when he read it finally after all that hunting. Chris also planted a bonus clue at the end that led to a dollar bill he had stuffed into Sam's coat pocket when he came in.

I really look forward to all the fun things he will think of to play with Aiden when he gets older.

Sunday, February 19, 2006
The first time I sit down all day
Is today Sunday? I have not had a relaxing weekend at all. DH sprung a birthday party for my MIL on me late last week. Guess when it is? TODAY. Yep. So Friday was spent brainstorming what to serve and yesterday was spent shopping and preparing. I stayed up until 11 last night trying to get as much of the meal made ahead of time as could be done. I know thats not really that late but when you consider that somebody, I won't name names, decided that 4:30 am is a great time to start the day, well it doesn't seem too early a bedtime.

So what are we having you ask? Oh I think I've outdone myself this time folks. See, I love to cook. I love to ohhhs and ahhhs I get when I prepare a scrumptious meal. I always want to top myself everytime we have guests. I pride myself on the fact that what you will be served in my house is very different from any of my other ILs. But they love that about me. I always go a little more middle eastern with my food - they're more plain ole' meat and potatoes types.

So I broke out my new cookbook from Giada and got to work planning our meal. For appetizers we will be serving cheese, soupy, and crackers, marinated mushrooms, assorted middleastern olives, bruschetta, and white bean dip with pita chips. For dinner we are having scallops (my MIL's favorite) wrapped in pancetta with a holandaise sauce, roasted asparagus, caprese salad, scalloped potatoes (DH wanted this), and cheesy rosemary breadsticks. For dessert we will have tiramisu, fresh berries with chocolate sauce leftover from the tiramisu, and I made a special little creation of ladyfingers, homemade whipped cream, and berries all layered together for my nephew who probably won't like the tiramisu.

On that note, Aiden is waking up from his nap and they'll be here in a half hour. I better go. Wish me luck!

Saturday, February 18, 2006
I'm a little sad
Good ole' aunt flo showed up this morning. Even though we weren't exactly trying and I was 99% sure that I wasn't pregnant I still feel a little sad. I guess just the fact that I had a long cycle made me wonder and gave a slight feeling of hope.

I'm not sure if its just hormones from my period or what? Maybe this is a sign that I definitely feel like I'm ready for another baby. I can think of a ton of reasons why we should wait. Its so hard to be completely sure that this is the right thing to do right now. Do I want another baby now for selfish reasons? Because they are so awesome and I've got so much love to give. Is that enough of a reason to try?

Wednesday, February 15, 2006
We were THOSE people last night
The ones that take their baby out to dinner with them on Valentines Day at a nice restaurant. The ones whose baby keeps throwing little tantrums, crying, and whining which is ruining everyone elses dinner. Yeah. I was very embarassed.

Usually he does really well at restaurants. I just wanted to run away last night though. Didn't want to sit in the high chair so we got his booster and brought it in. Didn't want to sit in that either, wanted to play with it. Then I wasn't thinking when I grabbed his toy bag that I keep in the car but the majority of the toys in it are not quiet play toys - totally not appropriate for a small restaurant.

We had to ask them to wrap up our meals to go by the time they actually brought them to our table. We get in the car and DH asks me why I was so tense. *sigh*

Tuesday, February 14, 2006
Can it be 10 months already?
Time sure does fly when you're having fun doesn't it?

My baby is growing up so fast. Pretty soon he's not going to be a baby anymore.

Happy 10 month birthday big boy and Happy Valentines Day too!!

I love you SOOOOOOOO much!! *smooch*

Monday, February 13, 2006
Open letter to my mother

As I was sitting here this morning feeding Aiden his breakfast I started to remember something long ago. When I was in 5th grade I remember going to school pretty often without a lunch. I remember that some of my teachers would feel sorry for me and would buy me a hot lunch or get me some things from the teachers room to eat.

I was thinking about this mom and I wondered, when did you stop caring if I had a lunch or not? Did you really think at that young age, how old must I have been, 10 or 11, that I was capable of preparing my own lunch for school? I guess maybe I could have been, if we'd had any food in the house.

I remember feeling anxious when lunch time would near. I knew I'd sit there while all the other kids ate their lunches that their parents had lovingly provided for them. Why did you stop caring? As I got older I just learned to steal money out of your wallet for my lunch. I mean, what was Dad paying you child support for anyway? I never felt bad about taking it either. I mean $1.50 went a long way in a school cafeteria back then.

I know its nothing that I can change now but I can vow that I will always make sure my children have food to eat and a lunch to take to school. I don't think its a huge sacrafice as a mother to do that for your child.


Friday, February 10, 2006
Just ugh
I can not tell you how sick of sickness I am. I feel like the last three months have been a constant battle with germs. I am sick of tissues, sick of snot, sick of puking, sick of runny noses, sore throats, whining, crying, and fevers. Bottom line - I am just SICK OF IT ALL!!!

I want a vacation, by myself where I won't come into contact with anyone who might be spreading their germyness around me and my family.

I am losing my patience today. Aiden doesn't want to play, wants to be held, doesn't want to be held, wants to just whine. Sometimes, I think he is just whining because he can and there isn't actually anything really bugging him. Its really hard to keep picking him up and putting him down over and over when all you really need to do is blow your friggin nose for the gazillionth time. Which is sore and red and cracking.


Ok, let me just pout a little bit more and then I'll stop. I put Aiden down an hour early for his nap because I couldn't deal anymore. Miracle of miracles he fell asleep. Now if he would just sleep for the rest of the day then maybe I could get myself together and be a half decent mother.

Wednesday, February 08, 2006
I can NOT be sick AGAIN
This sucks. I am sick with a damn cold yet again. That is one every month for the last three months. How in the heck does this keep happening? I am very diligent with washing my hands. We haven't been around other sickies. UGH!!

I have spent the last two nights waking up every other hour because I can't breathe and my throat is SOOOO sore. What sucks even more is that I can not take anything for it because we're still nursing. *sob*

Saturday, February 04, 2006
Random Muffings
Its been a while so I figure I should update. Not too much going on these days. Aiden is still sick. DH has come to the conclusion that its allergies, most likely to pet dander from our two cats. So he has vacuumed the house like crazy today, dusted, and changed sheets and everything. He doesn't want me to have Aiden play on the floor anymore unless there is a blanket beneath him, but the blanket must not be anything with a thick fiber he says, so that it doesn't trap pet dander in it. *sigh*

I don't think all of this is going to really help all that much when you live with two cats. I mean they're in our home and spreading their fur and stuff everywhere. I refuse to lock them up in a room and not let them have reign of the house like someone else I know *cough* STUPID SIL *cough*. Because then why and even have pets if you're going to give them a shitty life. Granted I haven't been vacuuming and dusting like I used to do every weekend. Like my dear friend Chong reminded me, they're only this age/size once and if you spend all your energy keeping your house clean before you know it they've grown up and you didn't cherish the time you had with them.

But if DH wants to run around dusting, vacuuming, loading and unloading the dishwasher, doing laundry, etc. that is fine with me. Not to give you all the impression that I'm supremely lazy or anything. I threw my back out carrying my little monkey who is not so little anymore. I have been trying to take it easy all weekend. The fact that my DH is running around cleaning like a crazy man just makes me feel inadequate for not doing it myself.